FUG FACTS

Scheherazade "Zadie" Bond 

Angel Gracey and Muriel most want to tell you either about what sometimes happens in the FUGs showroom at 3:30am or this other cool thing they’re secretly collaborating on. You don’t know Angel Gracey and Muriel?....come back soon. You’ll get to know them. So in the meantime Zadie wants to get a bunch of FUG statistics out of her inbox:

 

What did you do on June 30, 2020? I possibly miscounted a 1969 Chevelle or two, but I promise FUG’s website pictures 2,987 sold vehicles: 330 (11%) were Mustangs; 263 were Camaros; 218 Chevelles; 178 Corvettes, and 79 GTOs.

 

NOTE: if you’re now tired of this, skip to the last paragraph where Tony tells us how he came to sell a 1943 tractor.

 

For more statistics. Of the 2,987, 35% (1,033) were Chevys; 13% (396) were Fords; 7% (221) Porsches; 6% (185 Pontiacs); and 4% (131) Mercedes. And for those of us desperate to know more: 128 Dodges, 84 Olds, 76 Maseratis, 74 Plymouths, and 51 each Jaguars and BMWs.

 

Still more: Model year 2000-2020   618 sold

                                 1980-1999   486 sold

                                 1960-1979   1,679 sold

                                 1940-1959    159 sold

                                 Before 1940   45 sold

 

Almost 25% of the cars FUGs has sold were 1969 and 1970s.

 

And just so we all know:   they’ve sold one Amphicar, one Bugatti, and also one Citroen, Delorean, Lancia, Opel, Saab, Sunbeam, and one 1900 Other Buggy.

 

NOW TONY AND THE TRACTOR: “It was part of a car collection and I couldn’t help myself as it was so beautiful (I know a tractor).” First there was Thomas the Tank Engine, and now it’s Tony the Tractor….awww, we’re in love J

 

HAPPY BIRTHDY AMERICA from Zadie

 

 

 

NIGHT AT THE GARAGE : The FUG and GOSS’

Scheherazade Bond

 

 

We’re back. An introduction: I’m Scheherazade “Zadie” Bond. I became familiar with Fleming’s Ultimate Garage, Tony, and his cars a while back when I heard rumors that Rockstar was going to temporarily move Grand Theft Auto’s Michael, Trevor, and Franklin from Los Santos to the DC area, partly because they’d heard that awesomely hot and gorgeous muscle and exotic cars were available “just for the taking” at this place north of the DC beltway in Rockville, MD. Who would have thought?

 

So - I had my double, Angel Gracey, come with me to recon, and when we looked into the showrooms (this was at 3:30am), the shiny paint jobs all but blinded our night vision goggles. Quickly recuperating, we saw the trunk of a GTO slowly open and someone climbed out. FULL ALERT – THIS PLACE NEEDS US ON THE JOB!! The person, probably male, was tallish and had something shiny on his left wrist…….OMG!

 

WHAT THE BLAZES IS GOING ON? He’s rearranging the furniture so it’s all in the middle surrounded by the cars all pointing out…like a frigging circled wagon train??  Wait – where’d the perp go? He’s gone! Oh to see the faces at tomorrow’s opening! And Tony – we’re available to guard FUGs during the night.

 

That’s how our friendship began. While definitely odd, this first activity was just the start of the things we can tell about The FUG.   We’ve had some overseas and high seas action, protecting FUG shipments; we’ll get those declassified and tell all.   Also we’ll share what we’ve learned and think about those informative, but sometimes screamingly funny, You.Tube videos - Angel and Muriel join me with our wine and cheese and chocolate for laughs Sunday nights. We just watched our so-far-all-time-favorite again – the August 17, 2015, Goss Garage interview, in which at 1:10 Tony reveals his high school envy and at 3:45 he explains that crank thing by your left hand and at 8:41 we get the flashing Fleming smile. More later.

 

Wild cheers – Zadie B

 

 

GUNS AND ROSES AND GOATS

 

Scheherazade Bond

 

“4 inches wider in the rear”…. I jerked awake. What am I listening to – a discussion of what happens when you stay at home near a frig for five months? Wake. Up. Oh – it’s Tony pointing out the distinctive shape of a dynamite looking, red something. Did I hear him call it a “daily driver exotic?” I have got to restart this video.

 

Ok – Zadie’s back, and I’m watching a Nov. 18, 2016, You.Tube vid (Good Grief – he’s got a top knot) of a 1990 Corvette ZR -1. Well that is a truly awesome looking ride. He opens the hood and there’s this enormous, deliciously powerful engine built by Mercury Marine. Who knew? Now he’s talking about the magnetic select ride and pairing the selections with Sinatra, Guns and Roses, and Metallica: good tunes, Tony.

 

The inside really does look good, and it looks like the seats can almost give you a massage. So I watched ZR-1 videos from March 16, 2011, and Aug 29, 2013. The love of those cars doesn’t change (but I’ve heard he really loves GOATS); his hair, however, goes from curly to manbun to businessman.

 

How did I get side-tracked by a Corvette ZR-1. I planned to watch a virtual tour of The FUG: New Dealership Walk Through (Feb 24, 2017) because reportedly 80% of you customers never see the showrooms in person, let along the work areas and the back lot. I personally am looking forward to using my special BandE skill some night soon to look around all the sub-basements – surely there are sub-basements - of that back building. I bet it’s where all the sizzling hot cars go to play at night.

 

And thanks for the…ummm…gentle hint, Tony: 4” wider in the rear….mutter mutter grumble - Zadie B  

 

 

FOR THE CROWN PRINCE

 

Scheherazade Bond (July 2020)

 

Interpol contacted me in early January: was I available to investigate a world-wide vehicle smuggling operation out of the port of Los Angeles and possibly involving 14 cars being shipped by Fleming’s Ultimate Garage. I made arrangements to quietly board the vessel when it docked along the Straits of Magellan. So began a month-long journey.

 

While the ship was docked I was able to enter the hold, find the FUG cars, and search them. As suspected, there were drugs in four FUG vehicles, as well as other dealers’ shipments. I warned Mr. Fleming, while somewhat re-assuring him that Interpol had him low on the list of persons of interest. Before crossing the Atlantic headed for the Canary Islands, the ship made a final stop in Brazil. I was on high alert as I detected activity near the cars.

 

Eight days later all was quiet at Los Palmos in the Canaries. We proceeded east through the Med, with an uneventful stop at Piraeus, Greece. The Beirut stop was chaotic: I was barely able to remain undetected when one night there was high activity. I feared a large shipment of Captagon tablets was being hidden in the vehicles for delivery to Dubai.

There was no further activity in the hold as we transitted the Suez Canal (an amazing experience) and headed south through the Red Sea to the Indian Ocean. Tensions were high, but we passed uneventfully through the area of the Somali pirates and northeast around the Arabian Peninsula. In early February we finally arrived at the Port of Jebel Ali, Dubai.

 

Interpol agents and Dubai police took possession of all the vehicles, including the FUG shipment which included seven cars for Crown Prince Fazza. I was pleased with the efficiency and skill of the Dubai officials and ten FUG cars were quickly cleared; 4 cars were held as they did contain Captagon and other drugs and the identity of the purchaser was murky. Fortunately, by this time FUG was cleared. I met with Crown Prince Fazza, who was delighted with his purchases and declared “I look forward to visiting my new friend Tony Fleming when I visit the States later this year.” I cautioned Mr. Fleming that the Crown Prince would want to drive everything in the showroom and that perhaps the police should be notified that Fazza would turn Lofstrand Road into a race course.

 

Wild times indeed and cheers to you all, Zadie B

 

 

 

THEY STOLE THE ENGINE

 

Scheherazade Bond

 

We’re at home again on a Sunday night, with our wine and cheese and chocolate and a video, after spending several early morning hours watching over FUGs for signs of  Grand Theft Auto principles coming around….they haven’t….yet.  The three of us are trying to decide who to vote for FUG VIDEO STAR OF THE MONTH:  Angie, Rich, or Tony.  

 

Rich has the wildest offer:  buy the 2002 Hummer H-1 and get the 2003 Shadow free.  Really Rich?  Last time you  offered two Ferraris for the price of one – well, something like that….can’t remember exactly….this Tawny Port is really, really good.  We decide to learn more and watch Tony’s May 14, 2020, video on the Hummer.  He really gets excited about this one.  (Note:  we can’t actually think of one he isn’t excited about.) But at the end all we’ve written down is “nothing hangs down.”  We ponder and enjoy the port….and ponder:  Clearance! Amazing Clearance! That’s what he’s talking about.  And maybe fording a stream that’s up to the window.  EEK! What if suddenly there’s a WATER MOCCASIN in the front window!! Good Grief….Cockadoodles....Sh…. We’d rather face Somali pirates.

 

Now it’s Tony’s turn:  let’s watch the May 13, 2020, one on the 2008 Porsche 911 Carrera, which turns out being nothing like the “polished VW Beetle” he thought it was.  It’s such an amazing car that we might consider trading our....no, no, no can’t say it.   Did we just hear him say, “OMG! They stole the engine!” 

 

And now for Angie’s….You Go, Girl….July 17, 2020, video made for the original owner of a 1970 Dodge Challenger, that includes photos of Richard Petty autographing the inside of the trunk.  She tracked down the owner, using great detective skills. YEAH! This one is so nice.

 

Oh – come on – it’s a 3-way tie.  One of us has gotta give or we’ll have to invite someone else in for the vote.  Oh well, Daisy, as Human Resources Manager, would probably tell us a tie is best for morale.  Except Rich does have a hot deal and all those little Facebook goodies he’s making now – so cute!  But Angie’s red hair is best and so plentiful.  And Tony…well he’s Tony:  El Jefe.  

 

And now it’s video time: “ The Wire” – wonder if its author George Pelecanos ever visits FUGs?  He lives in Hyattsville and the characters in his terrific novels (they’re always bestsellers-we just love them) would love all those gorgeous shiny muscle cars.  

 

SHOWTIME!  Zadie B

 

 

HERE’S TO ALL THE THINGS WE LOVE

 

Scheherazade Bond

 

Hello My Pretties and welcome to the elegant and sensuous world of Moi:  Muriel.  Think Sophia or Catherine or Helen or…. yes – Dolly or Tina.  I’m the Rolls, Jaguar, Maserati of the group…or maybe one day Gull-Wing Coupe.  And while we’re on the subject of cars:

 

As I sip some marvelous bubbly, I think FUGs needs a calendar pairing a few of their gorgeous cars with….”car enthusiasts”? cheese? chocolate? wine?  Yes of course:  a calendar depicting a Ferrari and an Amarone ….on the beach in front of a lovely little place that we shall retire to after relaxing a bit.  (NOTE:  no drinking and driving ever permitted.)  Now let’s see what FUGs has today:

 

January: a 1964 GTO and Bordeaux  and dare we add Tony

February:  a Mustang (you must have one hidden somewhere) and Zinfandel  

March:  the 2002 Hummer and Shiraz and Rich who wants to sell one

April:  2007 Porsche and  Riesling…. maybe Rich will look better here

May:  1970 Dodge and Cabernet Sauvignon and Angie – sorry no Hellcat

June:   2000 Pontiac and Virginia Viognier and Trey, the silver-haired gentleman

July:  1969 Mercedes and  Burgundy and Scott with the divine Miss Daisy

August: 2008 Corvette and Super Tuscan  and Henry the Fun 

September: 1978 Camaro and Rioja and ??? 

October:  2008 Maserati and Cotes du Rhone and Sookhar - here with my faves

November:  1956 Buick Super and Oregon Pinot Noir and ??? 

December:  1976 Lincoln Continental and bubbly  and Me, with brother Santa

 

Front cover: Parked in front of FUGs we see a red 1999 Prowler, white 2015  Mitsubishi, blue 1970 Nova, and silver 2002 Maserati and a cooler of…….

 

Back Cover:  Mr. B’s Woody and the last of my 10-year-old Tawny Port.  The delightful Mr. B found this car in one of those vine-covered decrepit sheds out back and restored it.  Tony says he’s never found one “out back” that was worth keeping.

 

So – here’s to all the wonderful gentlemen – Sean and Clint and Robert and….yes – Willie.  And all you FUG ladies and gentlemen:  keep at it and age gracefully:)                            Muriel, for Zadie B                                                                (August 2020)



P.S. Of course, beer or whiskey or scotch might pair better, but My Dears, I only know NattyBoh and Bass.

 

 

THE SOUND OF ONE DOOR CLOSING

 

Scheherazade Bond

 

3:30 in the morning.  Not a soul in sight….though Franklin and Trevor may have driven slowly by an hour ago.  Angel Gracey and I came up the driveway on the left side of Fleming’s – click….click….cllliiiickkkkk…..clunk…..SLAM……clickclick.  We peek in.  What the….??? All the cars are opening and closing their driver’s–side doors!!! And they’ve turned on the computers and are watching Tony carefully opening and closing the door of that 1969 Mercedes 280 SL and sighing happily:  he’s a door freak!!

 

So we’ve been watching all the You.Tube videos Tony made this year trying to determine which door sounds best.  Why do this? Well, why not do this door thing Tony loves to do….while we wait for Interpol to call, of course.

 

Here goes:

 

  1. 1976 Lincoln Continental Mark IV (this is the one where we’re wrapped in Butter Crème Butter Crème), August 1, 2020. At minute 5:15 it’s the trunk and at 5:44 it’s the door. 

 

  1. 1969 Mercedes 280SL, August 1, 2020.  At minute 4:49 “SOLID - closes like a champ.”

 

  1. 1967 Chevelle SS 396, April 12, 2020.  It’s the trunk at 6:03 and the door at 6:24.   Plus, he really really likes the GIANT radiator.

 

  1. 1968 Camaro, August 30, 2019.  This one has a “serious door” at minute 5:58.

 

  1. 1956 Buick Super, June 18, 2929.  A great door at 6:24.  Plus this one is a real favorite  with Santa, Mrs. C and sister Muriel.

 

  1. 2004 Maserati Cambiocorsa Coope GT, March 5, 2020.  Door closes at minute 4:56.  We just had to include a Maserati because the entire package is so awesome.

 

You know, Tony, we think we get it:  the door sounding so great could indicate the rest of the car is great.  Sort of like what you said in your July 31, 2020, video on the 1982 Corvette Collector Edition  -- the underhood light works -  means someone has taken care that all the other stuff works.  And that’s pretty cool.  

 

Wild cheers to all you door closers.  And which door sounds best – we can’t decide…can you?  Zadie B                                                                                (August 2020)

 

THE BURNING CAR FESTIVAL

 

Scheherazade Bond

 

Here we are again……it’s midnight and we’re across the street from FUGs in one of their mini coopers.  Do you think Tony knows we drive his cars around at night?  Nah, I don’t think he knows.  But I’m sure that as good we are at returning to the exact spot….Sookhar knows.  He knows EVERYTHING that happens here.

 

So what’d ya want to do now?  No one’s driving by – no Grand Theft Auto stars;  no joyriding teenagers;  no police cruisers; n-o-t-h-i-n-g  is h-a-p-p-e-n-i-n-g.

 

I know:  let’s plan something!  They just finished that huge motorcycle rally in Sturgis.  Let’s plan a rally.   YEAH!  But Tony doesn’t really have a bunch of motorcycles.  I know……how ‘bout…. MONSTER MUSCLE CAR MANIA!

 

But I don’t think the Rockville city mothers and fathers would like all the world’s muscle cars flexing  themselves up and down Norbeck, First, Lincoln, Lofstrand, Taft, Gude, and Southlawn. So we have to limit it to……great movie cars.  YES! MONSTER MOVIE MUSCLE CAR MANIA!

Calling all:

 ’77 Pontiac Trans Ams – yeah Smoky and the Bandits and Burt

’77 – ’07 Chevy Camaros – ones that can Transform – FUGs has lots of Camaros

’66 Ford Thunderbirds with Thelma and Louise at the wheel.  WHOOPPEEE!

’68 Mustang GT’s – Steve McQueen is so welcome – get some Mustangs, Tony

’69 orange Dodge Charger “Generals” – FUGs had one of these; and let’s see some ’74

               Petty Blue #43s         

 ’70 Dodge Chargers – FUGs has one Van Diesel can drive  and someone can buy!

’81 DeLoreans – hey, that’s not a muscle car; I know but it was so cool in Back to the               

               Future, and Tony may get another one to sell some day

’74 Dodge Monaco – if you have a DeLorean, I can have Jake and Elwood Blues’ car

’73-’76 Gran Torinos – let’s hear it for The Big Lebowski and Starsky and Hutch. And

               didn’t Clint have one?

’58 Plymouth Fury – no way we could keep Christine from coming

#3  and #88 Chevy  SS or Malibus – The Intimidator has to come! pretty please, Jr.

               come too!

’59 Cadillac (we said muscle cars) – but we all want a Ghostbusters’ Ectomobile – 

                Tony, will your guys make one for us?

’68 Mercury Cyclone – with Cale at the wheel

’73 Ford Falcon – by Mad Max, of course

’69 Mustang  ala John Wick and Keanu

’76 Lotus Esprits and Aston Martins – 007 must be here…right, Sookhar?

Swamp Rats – how can we not have something that goes 270mph, Big Daddy Don!

 

And a 40’  tall Burning Car…no, that’s Burning Man….oh they cancelled this year? Then Rockville will have one!  OH WHAT FUN – Zadie B  (August 2020)

       

 

Bring on More Goodies

 

Scheherazade Bond

 

It’s 3:30 in the morning, not a soul…..OH CHILL, GARTH! 

 

 We’re tired of slithering up the driveway to peer into the FUG showroom to see those beautiful cars that all look yellowish-green in our night vision goggles!!  How  ‘bout letting us walk in at 2pm or 11am in the bright sunshine like normal people…..oh right…normal…..maybe that’s not the adjective that best describes us?  We’re: curious and perhaps a bit….unusual.  

 

So anyway, Scott sent us a list of six new cars that we really need to check out.  I’m sure they must be great, cuz after all, he showed us our breathtaking Mas, Aurora.  Hopefully Tony (or Scott or Tony, Scott, and Rich and why not add Trey and Henry and Angie, etc.) will do some You.Tube videos – you know – the ones where he extols the virtues of the giant brakes and tells us why  the car looks so great because we don’t know why it looks so great. (actually we enjoy your telling us.)   And then he gets in the cars and they all have so much room that his 6’1”ness  fits comfortably.  He proceeds to caress the leather interiors and gently finger the dashboards.   HAVE MERCY! 

 

Back to Scott and his ’94 and ‘79 TransAms, an ‘01 Prowler, a yellow ’04 Honda S2000, an ’87  IROC-Z28 Camaro , and YEAH an ’82 triple black Corvette.  He says the ’79 TransAm and the Corvette are “loaded” – Muriel is very keen on seeing them as she too is usually  “loaded”.  Ohhh – will their pictures be on your website soon?  Didn’t Tony tell us in his July 31 video that ‘82 Corvettes are some of his favorites? There may not be pictures of the IROC-Z28 yet, but their ’87 yellow Camaro is so nice and happy! All black ones we see now are just plain scary, and one of them thought it could take on Aurora.  In its dreams.

 

And while we’re talking You.Tube videos – what to make of the one with Cole and Henry and that gorgeous brilliant yellow ’06 Ferrari F430 Spyder (Aug 18, 2020) on the road to Capital Detailing.   Can’t decide which is better – the Ferrari or the ’63 split window Corvette (Aug 11, 2020) – the one that Rich says “makes me a little nervous”.  These guys are always so cute! And we all know their cars are to die for. Thank heavens Angie’s there to get the best shots.  

 

It’s 11:34 in the morning, bright blue skies, 79 degrees,  low humidity and we’ll see you all soon.  WE’RE HEADING FOR FUGs!!       Wild cheers, Zadie B (Aug. 2020)

 

 

KIM’S COLLECTION

Scheherazade Bond

 

Finally!  Our reports have been declassified and we can tell everyone what happened after we met  Crown Prince Fazza of Dubai.  As I had plans to fly to Nome, Alaska, for the end of the Iditarod, Fazza told me to contact his friend, Thomas Waerner, one of the mushers and a muscle car enthusiast.   Waerner won the race on March 18.  Interpol had unconfirmed intel linking Waerner to illegal smuggling.

 

So this is what happened:  Interpol had word that North Korean leader Kim Jong-un was interested in American muscle cars and had tasked his overseas agents Kimbongsokyong Trading Co, an affiliate of the North Korean Ministry of the People’s Armed Forces, with “acquiring a selection” for his private collection, as well as for gifts to devoted comrades. 

 

Interpol notified several of us to be on the lookout for activity at our sites.  Angel Gracey and I set up a surveillance schedule at Fleming’s, and I let Tony know what was happening.  He confirmed that he was not aware of any recent, troubling daytime visitors.

 

And then:  a brown van drove slowly along Lofstrand 0230-0300 last night and again tonight.   Interpol is watching known contacts of Kimbongsokyong.  Security agents of Gateway Classics are on high alert at their locations. We expect they’ll hit somewhere tonight (Saturday)  or tomorrow night with a probable route to Alaska via the Alcan Highway and onto a trawler off the Alaskan coast.  Connection to Waerner is unknown – advisor?  liaison with trawler? 

 

Tuesday 1400 hours:  we are receiving info that Remlinger Muscle Cars in Winona, MN, and Rochester Auto Museum, NY,  were hit sometime after Sunday closing and 10am opening today.  Assuming attacks occurred late Sunday night, the transport vehicles have probably reached a departure port in Alaska: a 2,740 mile trip to Juneau in 51 hours, or a departure near Vancouver will already have occurred – 1,882 miles in 28 hours.  We now assume the cars have been loaded onto trawlers and are well on their way, probably to Nampo, N.Korea. 

 

We do not yet know how or if Waerner was involved.   We are greatly relieved that all of the  beautiful FUG cars are safe. 

 

 Oh...and speaking of FUG cars:   Muriel is assuming you’ve seen that gorgeous cabernet sauvignon-colored Maserati?  Isn’t that a spectacular color!  Angel Gracey is eyeing those three Alfa Romeo’s – red, black, and silver with that amazing V-shaped grill and one of them had the coolest, Rich called them, “phone dial hubcaps”.  How uncool is that! We prefer….five-leaf-clover-caps.  

 

Hope to see you at Fleming’s.  Wild Cheers To You All!!    Zadie B (Sept 2020) 




Was FUG Twister’d?

Scheherazade Bond

 

Hey You All - remember the wild weather we had in early September, including tornado warnings that showed circular movement RIGHT ON TOP of FUG – we were so worried that our FUG friends would have to take cover in the sub-basement of the building out back and that lots of the cars would be picked up and carried to…..OH MY… NOT OZ!! Could it happen??? 

 

So which cars would end up there?  Surely the Munchkins will claim the ’72 Fiat Cabriolet and the Mini Coopers, because as Angie says – who wouldn’t want to drive “adorable little lawnmowers.”  And Fiats are perfect for stuffing with Doritos and running around in Oz.  But how will the Munchkins get 6’8” Colin out - he’s stuck in one of them.  Well let’s hope the Munchkins are all set.

 

What about The Foursome:  Dorothy and Toto just want to go home and they should do it in that spiffy 1931 Mercedes Benz.  FUG’s red 1970 Dodge Charger, or maybe the Plymouth Barracuda will give anyone courage, so give one of them  to Lion.  Nothing looks more like love than a 1957 red Porsche 356 and Tinman can give it and his new heart to Nimmie  Amee.  Scarecrows with brains, as well as the rest of us, know that anyone with a brain will choose a Maserati sometime in their lives, and Tony always has Maseratis. 

 

 And won’t the monkeys look awesome in Prowlers? (“The weight reduction makes it a quick and nimble ride” – how did an intelligent comment like that get in my fan mail? Or was this a comment about its V6 engine being the same as  something else’s that weighs a lot more and so….what am I talking about? And why??)

 

  Glinda wants that 2008 Bentley Continental and the Wicked Witch will certainly go for the black with red 1967 Chevy Camaro RS convertible….or do you think she’s more into yellow 2002 Hummers? Which is better at shock-awe-terrify? And for when she’s on a beach vacation – the orange Citroen Mehari could be a ton of fun for a green witch. Ok ok….not a ton….1,256 lbs. But if you add 10 75-pound flying monkeys who need rides because they totaled their Prowlers.…never mind.  Meanwhile, Tony says to just “keep on prowling.” (FYI-Hummers weigh 3.5 tons.)

 

Now as for the Wizard – let him have the 2008 silver Porsche 911 Turbo.   And for Aunt Em – she doesn’t seem like the type, but we know she’s always, always wanted a 1976 Lincoln Continental Mark IV to cruise along those lonely roads in Kansas. 

 

I know you’re thinking the Wizard or maybe the Wicked Witch would choose the amazing 1963 Chevy Corvette split-window Fuelie, but guess what – Rich made sure it went into the sub-basement.

 

YEAH – no tornado. All those terrific cars are still there. Let’s shop!         –Zadie B                                    

 

 

DR. TONY IS IN

Scheherazade Bond

 

Bartender, psychiatrist, used car salesman, psychologist, life coach – let me think about this…..I choose……used car salesman.  I think if you need advise, why not get it from someone who prescribes…. gorgeous cars.

 

So You All,  now is a great time to  watch You.Tube, Oct. 24, 2016, Goss’ Garage and Tony Fleming to know his advise is the best.  He talks about unplugging with motorcycles and gorgeous cars.   Pat says “you’re in the therapy business”. Tony responds he doesn’t have a license – well yes he has a “license for fun.”  And he tells us why this time of the year is the best for buying, as well as for cruising around the Blue Ridge Parkway, the Eastern Shore, and other great places in the MD/VA area.  And his take on auctions (minute 5:05) is really funny!  Oh – and if you want to know about leasing – minute 7:55).

 

Well - here’s our experience with Dr. Tony:  there was a day in the summer of 2019 when we  sent him a screeching email “WHAT AM I THINKING???? A MASERATI GRAN TURISMO SPORT!!!!!! HOW CAN I POSSIBLY DESERVE A MASERATI!!!  (actually it was Grizelda The Unapproachable who emailed him – she’s the screechy, hysterical one.) And he calmly and quietly wrote back (yes, I know emails usually don’t murmur soothingly, but this one really did) that I’m not extravagant; I am deserving; I can afford it; and if my family and friends don’t approve, he’ll find me something else.  Well my family and friends thought it was a hoot.  Scott had me drive it all around…ummm sort of fast on that curvy, 2-lane road.  So….. I decided I’d just trust that Tony knew what I needed because I don’t think I really knew what I was doing.  TA DA!! SHAZAM!! (Is shazam related to shiraz?)   And beautiful Aurora, Goddess of the Dawn, became mine. 

 

“A basket case….don’t date one.” is a piece of his  advice.  As is having automatic window controls so you don’t have to reach across and strain your torn rotator cuffs.  And be sure to have AC or keep the windows up so your hair products don’t ooze down your neck.  Well –maybe these aren’t earth-shaking bits of advice, but they are useful. We just can’t remember what car he was talking about.  What we do know for sure is that if you ask anyone at FUG, they’ll be sure that whatever you buy  will absolutely improve your peace of mind and your level of happiness. 

 

Wild Cheers, Zadie B  (Sept 2020)

 

 

 

MUSCLE CAR APPRECIATION FOR DUMMIES

STOP THE PRESSES:  NASCAR + MJ

Scheherazade Bond

 

Mr. Fleming and Other Fugers:   Angel Gracey here.  This is my first fan mail to you.  I would have been smart to contact Angie, my Hellcat heroine, before writing….but…. I didn’t.  We are really trying to learn to fully appreciate muscle cars.  Unfortunately, we started with your 1970 Dodge Chargers – the ones with the noses?  Or is that a mouth?  Remember as a kid, pulling the sides of your mouth wide and sticking out your tongue?  All the views of these Chargers are good EXCEPT the front view – but if I’m driving I don’t have to see this, well obviously in my rearview mirror.  And I do know the Charger was banned by NASCAR for just being too powerful. We won’t even discuss Smokey Yunick’s Camaros.  WOW!

 

Note from Zadie:  if you readers (I assume I have one –Tony - or two - Angie) think Angel Gracey, Muriel, and I are off base with this, you may certainly skip the next two paragraphs: it may be obvious we don’t know what we’re talking about.

 

So – back to “Muscle Car Appreciation for Dummies”.  We do think the 1970 Mustang is boss.  We were completely sold right off with the spectacular BLUE color.  Even though we sold FUG a 1970 Camaro and the family is only allowed to buy Chevy’s (oh my – the rules M broke to buy Aurora!), the Mustang looks great.

 

But our eye turned to Chevelle’s.  Tony has an April 27, 2020, You.Tube video on a cranberry red with black stripe and hood flaps and special wheels LS7.  I’m afraid our heads are spinning with all the things this car had, and we promise you, Tony, we’ll  really study so we know what you’re talking about.  He’s got a couple of great Chevelle’s now:  check ‘em out. 

 

 STOP THE PRESSES!  ANGEL GRACEY IS LIKE A WHIRLING DIRVISH IN ECSTACY!!

 

It was just announced that AG’s favorite athlete MICHAEL JORDAN is partnering with Denny Hamlin (currently #2 in the NASCAR Cup Championship race for Joe Gibbs Racing) to be single car owners and their driver is the oh-so-wonderful-to-look-at BUBBA WALLACE.  Their car will be a Toyota.  So the NASCAR season begins Feb 9, 2021, with a wild sounding first race at Daytona and culminates with the Daytona 500 Feb 14.  And Michael Jordan will be there in the pits: hopefully the TV cameras focus occasionally on the race and not just on Jordan.   (Oh in case you are interested, as we were, Jordan owns five cars: an Aston Martin, Ferrari,  Mercedes,  Chevy ZR1 and Corvette.)   Are we excited?  YES, we are!

 

So now it’s back to listening to all the good stuff Tony tells us about his muscle cars and studying to understand what he’s saying. 

 

Have Fun this week and wild cheers, Angel Gracey and Zadie B

 

 

 

 

MUSCLE CAR APPRECIATION, part 2
Scheherazade Bond

 


Mr. Fleming – It’s me, Angel Gracey, back again. Sorry about exhuberating all over your fan mail last week: but how fun is it to have Michael, Denny, and Bubba
together at NASCAR cup races next year, and OMG, on March 28 they’ll be at Bristol ON DIRT!! So - thanks to Google, I’m back to business and that beautiful blue 1971 Mustang Boss 351 with the black hood and cool silver stripe. DISCLAIMER: if you think the following information isn’t exactly correct or sounds
funny…. well that’s Angel Gracey et. al. doing our kooky best The Boss 302, 429, and 351 were designed by Larry Shinoda who “just accidently” (??) named them the Boss. It has a chin spoiler (hadn’t heard of those) which in daily drivers is mostly for appearance: it adds more volume to the front bumper so the car looks more
aggressive . In race cars, it changes the aerodynamics. Well of course it does –everyone knows that, just like the rear one does. (though Tony says the rear spoiler can double as a “table for two on the trunk.”)

And the engineering video on differentials is really interesting (the Boss’ is 9”). 9” rear differential: gears – power from the engine moves the drive shaft that has a
pinion gear at the end meshed to a ring gear (this is the 9” one- or 8.8” or 9.38”) and to a spider gear, which rotates around on two planes, to a side gear. And on we go turning the axle and wheels. Don’t you just love those spider gears, rotating their little hearts out so we can go around curves smoothly. Why 9” instead of 8.8” –
plentiful, tough, and has a drop out center section so it’s easy to switch out parts. (remember our disclaimer!) So while we’re at it: in 50 AD Greek mathematician Archimedes was the first to write about gears. Earlier Aristotle had discussed gear-like devices and the Chinese even earlier may have had wheel- and gear–like devices. And how about M. C. Escher’s drawings that aren’t gears at all (they’re stairs), but certainly look like gears.

There’s so much good stuff to learn! Don’t know what we’re going to do with it all, but we’re learning, Mr. Fleming, we really are learning.

Cheers and checkered flag waving and visits to FUG, where THEY DO KNOW what they’re talking about. And check out that wonderful 1940 Ford Woody Wagon:
Muriel wants it badly!

Angel Gracey (Sept. 2020)

 

 

STEALABLES
Scheherazade Bond


Airbags and catalytic converters – they’re both in cars, but why discuss them together? (or at all?) Well – according to the Rockville Police Dept. they’re being
stolen, and “cars” and “stolen” are two words that always get my attention, since as you all know, it’s my job to guard THE GARAGE. Also, nationwide both items are
increasingly being stolen.

So – did you know:
129 air bags were stolen from cars in a parking lot on Hungerford Drive in Rockville one night last month. Since June air bags have become popular items to steal in the DC area. New ones for the driver’s side cost $200-$700 and for the passenger’s side it’s $400-$1,000. Plus labor. WOW – do not let someone steal yours!
In September a couple of catalytic converters were stolen each week. Catalytic converters are stolen everywhere and often. I may have read that last year London
averaged 10 stolen every night of the year. Yes, I have unusual reading habits, or could I have made this up?

Well, it apparently only takes a couple of minutes to steal a catalytic converter and you can get $240 for one – I think mostly for the platinum, palladium, and rhodium
in them. Does this seem like a lot? Yes, indeedy! Could I have made this up too?!? (Honestly, Zadie, get with it.) But you REALLY don’t want yours stolen – such a
nuisance to have to get a new one, and they cost $950-$2,500, plus labor. We don’t need to worry about the catalytic converters in a lot of Tony’s cars: they’re
so low who can get under them? Since as many of you know….and if you don’t – just wait a few years and you will….aim and let gravity get you in them and install a hoist in your garage to get you out. Or include a lot of knee bends and lunges in your exercise routine. Back to catalytic converters and since you may not know – the small amount of sulfur present in fuel is converted to sulfur dioxide, which has no odor. When the converter breaks or the filtering layers wear down, sulfur is not transformed into the odorless form and you have –oooh YUCK rotten eggs. I also read that putting your vin number on them might help – however, I can’t find where
a bunch of them have been recovered and identified by vin number.

Well – hasn’t this been fun, but I think I’d rather check out where in Italy you get those cute Fiats, Minis and the Citroen, and visit Aurora’s hometown while I’m
there.

Keep smiling BEHIND YOUR FACE MASK. Wild cheers, Zadie B (October 2020)

 

 

 Made In Italy
Scheherazade Bond

 

Ciao Folks – a few days ago we checked the FUG website’s “Current Inventory” and saw eleven gorgeous cars that have something exciting in common: they were all
made in Italy (4 Fiats, 3 Alfa Romeos, 3 Maseratis, and an Abarth) and we know that means fabulous sleek styling. Also, we really, really want to be somewhere
other than here in the DC area….for a few days anyway. So – we did some research and …..here we all are about to visit some amazing places that have one wonderful thing in common: there’s a plant that makes amazing cars there! So where to first – Maranello, Modena, Turin, Sant’Agat Bolognese? Ohhh all these
goodies, but Modena has Alfa Romeo 4c, Maserati MC20 (oh – miei amori), and nearby are the Lamborghini and Ferrari plants and that absolutely unbelievable
Pagani Huayra. We’re going to see all these gorgeous cars and start harassing Tony to find some used ones. :-)

We flew from Washington to Bologna and rented a car for the 28 mile trip to Modena. Oh this is SO EXCITING! Casa Maria Luigia, an 18 th century countryside
manor house is just wonderful. We’re relaxing already. Muriel has all the great contacts for these visits – most of those plants are very off-limits to visitors. Our first
visit is to see the production of Maserati’s exquisite new MC20. Can you get us a used one next year, Tony? At the moment you’ve got a black 2012 Gran Turismo, a
purple 2017 Ghibli, and a 2017 white Quattroporte. I mean PURPLE!! Goodness, Maseratis are so awesome.

All the plants seem to be within 15 miles of Modena, sort of in the northeastern part of Italy. Fall is just gorgeous here….and the food.…and the wine….and the
clothes….oh yes, and the cars! AND....

…. OMG…can you believe that Muriel? She decided to go grocery shopping and NO ONE – ABSOLUTELY NO ONE else would run into Horatio Pagani checking out the
eggplants! And the next thing we knew she drove off with him in his Huayra! Well –he is a nice looking 65-yr-old Argentinian/Italian gentleman and engineer (isn’t his
carbotanium – carbon fibre and titanium filaments woven together – amazing stuff -Lamborghinis sure thought so), and we know Muriel is amazing in so many ways.
I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about…..right? RIGHT? FYI - I know you want to know Huayra-tata was the Quechua wind god, and while we’re at it, a ghibli is an
Egyptian Arabic word for a hot, dust-bearing wind from the south. While Muriel is off on what must be a breathtaking drive in that Huayra, we’ll just relax by the pool and sip and nibble….mmmmmm…aaaahhh….and start our tours
tomorrow.

Arrivederci - Zadi B (Oct. 2020)

 

 

De-cipher = De-mystify
Scheherazade Bond
 

SHOW US THE GOODS! SHOW US THE GOODS! I DO NOT like to be kept waiting, Tony – and you have nine, that’s NINE “Coming Soon”s in your current inventory :

3 Rover Minis ( green 95, white 93, red 91);
3 Fiats (grey 71, cream 70, cream 66);
3 others - pearlescent 79 Firebird TransAm,
cranberry 71 Chevelle;
dark blue 70 Challenger.

While I do understand that even as we speak the Rovers and the Fiats are possibly in the hold of some ship on it’s way from Italy to Baltimore, I simply don’t care!! GET THEM HERE. I need to see them and buy them as Christmas presents: I don’t know what the rest of your customers are going to buy (well – I’m positive a pearlescent TransAm will immediately catch someone’s eye, and I’ve always been partial to shades of red, and oh my goodness Challengers!) because I’m splurging and getting “my girls” little cars.

I think it’s so cool you get cars for us from Italy. And you’ve both bought and sold Mustangs from Australia and New Zealand. And, of course, we all remember the cars you shipped to the Port of Jebel Ali, Dubai, and Prince Fazza. Did Muriel ever tell you about the afternoon she spent in the Swiss port (yes, a Swiss “port”) on the bilge barge, having been invited by the barge Captain to accompany him on his bilge-cleaning rounds? But we surely digress here.

Back to that ’70 Crème Fiat 500 Berlina Cabriolet. I didn’t know what “cabriolet” meant. In France in the 1800s a cabriolet was a horse-driven carriage with two
wheels and a top that could be pulled over the two occupants. Now “cabriolet” is interchangable with “convertible”. “Berlina” is Italian for “sedan”. And the ’71 Fiat
500 is described as “lusso” = “luxury”. “Stelvio” (an Alfa Romeo) is the Italian for the municipality of Stilfs in South Tyrol, and their “Giulia” = youthful. I am so over
being intimidated by these descriptor words, right? We need a specialized class in Italian. (It’s sort of like figuring out what varietal a French wine really is.)

Well let’s hear it for Google (or maybe not these days): I might be described as a “Fiat 500 girl” at heart because I’m “loyal, funny, and love to tweet while watching
Trash TV.” Heavens – Who Knew? And I have a Fiat Girls traits “if I’ve never been rinsed for it”, which may mean I’ve never been considered “unfashionable because
I’m overused, too old, or used by the wrong people.” GOOD GRIEF. Isn’t this a lot more fun than reading about pandemics!! Ummm, Tony --- am I supposed to be
writing about cars?

So what does “Coming Soon” really mean? Probably “we’ll see them when they’re
ready for us.” Cheers for ALL the FUG cars! Zadie B (Oct. 2020)

 

                                                         De-cipher = De-mystify

                                                            Scheherazade Bond

 

SHOW US THE GOODS!  SHOW US THE GOODS!  I  DO NOT  like to be kept waiting, Tony – and you have nine,  that’s NINE “Coming Soon”s in your current inventory :

 

                       3 Rover Minis ( green 95, white 93, red 91);

                       3 Fiats (grey 71, cream 70, cream 66);

                       3 others - pearlescent 79 Firebird TransAm,

                                          cranberry 71 Chevelle;

                                          dark blue 70 Challenger. 

 

While I do understand that even as we speak the Rovers and the Fiats are possibly in the hold of some ship on it’s way from Italy to Baltimore,  I simply don’t care!! GET THEM HERE.  I need to see them and buy them as Christmas presents: I don’t know what the rest of your customers are going to buy (well – I’m positive a pearlescent TransAm will immediately catch someone’s eye, and I’ve always been partial to shades of red, and oh my goodness Challengers!)  because I’m splurging and getting “my girls” little cars.

 

I think it’s so cool you get cars for us from Italy.  And you’ve both bought and sold Mustangs from Australia and New Zealand.  And, of course, we all remember the cars you shipped to the Port of Jebel Ali, Dubai, and Prince Fazza.  Did Muriel ever tell you about the afternoon she spent in the Swiss port (yes, a Swiss “port”) on the bilge barge, having been invited by the barge Captain to accompany him on his bilge-cleaning rounds?  But we surely digress here.

 

Back to that  ’70 Crème Fiat 500 Berlina Cabriolet.  I didn’t know what “cabriolet” meant.  In France in the 1800s a cabriolet was a horse-driven carriage with two wheels and a top that could be pulled over the two occupants.  Now “cabriolet” is interchangable with “convertible”.  “Berlina” is Italian for “sedan”.  And the ’71 Fiat 500 is described as “lusso” = “luxury”.   “Stelvio” (an Alfa Romeo)  is the Italian for the municipality of Stilfs in South Tyrol, and their “Giulia” = youthful.  I am so over being intimidated by these descriptor words, right?  We need a specialized class in Italian.   (It’s sort of like figuring out what  varietal a French wine really is.) 

 

Well let’s hear it for Google (or maybe not these days): I might be described as a “Fiat 500 girl” at heart because I’m “loyal, funny, and love to tweet while watching Trash TV.”  Heavens – Who Knew? And I have a Fiat Girls traits “if I’ve never been rinsed for it”, which may mean I’ve never been considered “unfashionable because I’m overused, too old, or used by the wrong people.”  GOOD GRIEF. Isn’t this a lot more fun than reading about pandemics!!  Ummm, Tony --- am I supposed to be writing about cars?

 

So what does “Coming Soon” really mean? Probably “we’ll see them when they’re ready for us.”  Cheers for ALL the FUG cars!                             Zadie B (Oct. 2020)