FUG FACTS

Scheherazade "Zadie" Bond 

Angel Gracey and Muriel most want to tell you either about what sometimes happens in the FUGs showroom at 3:30am or this other cool thing they’re secretly collaborating on. You don’t know Angel Gracey and Muriel?....come back soon. You’ll get to know them. So in the meantime Zadie wants to get a bunch of FUG statistics out of her inbox:

 

What did you do on June 30, 2020? I possibly miscounted a 1969 Chevelle or two, but I promise FUG’s website pictures 2,987 sold vehicles: 330 (11%) were Mustangs; 263 were Camaros; 218 Chevelles; 178 Corvettes, and 79 GTOs.

 

NOTE: if you’re now tired of this, skip to the last paragraph where Tony tells us how he came to sell a 1943 tractor.

 

For more statistics. Of the 2,987, 35% (1,033) were Chevys; 13% (396) were Fords; 7% (221) Porsches; 6% (185 Pontiacs); and 4% (131) Mercedes. And for those of us desperate to know more: 128 Dodges, 84 Olds, 76 Maseratis, 74 Plymouths, and 51 each Jaguars and BMWs.

 

Still more: Model year 2000-2020   618 sold

                                 1980-1999   486 sold

                                 1960-1979   1,679 sold

                                 1940-1959    159 sold

                                 Before 1940   45 sold

 

Almost 25% of the cars FUGs has sold were 1969 and 1970s.

 

And just so we all know:   they’ve sold one Amphicar, one Bugatti, and also one Citroen, Delorean, Lancia, Opel, Saab, Sunbeam, and one 1900 Other Buggy.

 

NOW TONY AND THE TRACTOR: “It was part of a car collection and I couldn’t help myself as it was so beautiful (I know a tractor).” First there was Thomas the Tank Engine, and now it’s Tony the Tractor….awww, we’re in love J

 

HAPPY BIRTHDY AMERICA from Zadie

 

 

 

NIGHT AT THE GARAGE : The FUG and GOSS’

Scheherazade Bond

 

 

We’re back. An introduction: I’m Scheherazade “Zadie” Bond. I became familiar with Fleming’s Ultimate Garage, Tony, and his cars a while back when I heard rumors that Rockstar was going to temporarily move Grand Theft Auto’s Michael, Trevor, and Franklin from Los Santos to the DC area, partly because they’d heard that awesomely hot and gorgeous muscle and exotic cars were available “just for the taking” at this place north of the DC beltway in Rockville, MD. Who would have thought?

 

So - I had my double, Angel Gracey, come with me to recon, and when we looked into the showrooms (this was at 3:30am), the shiny paint jobs all but blinded our night vision goggles. Quickly recuperating, we saw the trunk of a GTO slowly open and someone climbed out. FULL ALERT – THIS PLACE NEEDS US ON THE JOB!! The person, probably male, was tallish and had something shiny on his left wrist…….OMG!

 

WHAT THE BLAZES IS GOING ON? He’s rearranging the furniture so it’s all in the middle surrounded by the cars all pointing out…like a frigging circled wagon train??  Wait – where’d the perp go? He’s gone! Oh to see the faces at tomorrow’s opening! And Tony – we’re available to guard FUGs during the night.

 

That’s how our friendship began. While definitely odd, this first activity was just the start of the things we can tell about The FUG.   We’ve had some overseas and high seas action, protecting FUG shipments; we’ll get those declassified and tell all.   Also we’ll share what we’ve learned and think about those informative, but sometimes screamingly funny, You.Tube videos - Angel and Muriel join me with our wine and cheese and chocolate for laughs Sunday nights. We just watched our so-far-all-time-favorite again – the August 17, 2015, Goss Garage interview, in which at 1:10 Tony reveals his high school envy and at 3:45 he explains that crank thing by your left hand and at 8:41 we get the flashing Fleming smile. More later.

 

Wild cheers – Zadie B

 

 

GUNS AND ROSES AND GOATS

Scheherazade Bond

 

“4 inches wider in the rear”…. I jerked awake. What am I listening to – a discussion of what happens when you stay at home near a frig for five months? Wake. Up. Oh – it’s Tony pointing out the distinctive shape of a dynamite looking, red something. Did I hear him call it a “daily driver exotic?” I have got to restart this video.

 

Ok – Zadie’s back, and I’m watching a Nov. 18, 2016, You.Tube vid (Good Grief – he’s got a top knot) of a 1990 Corvette ZR -1. Well that is a truly awesome looking ride. He opens the hood and there’s this enormous, deliciously powerful engine built by Mercury Marine. Who knew? Now he’s talking about the magnetic select ride and pairing the selections with Sinatra, Guns and Roses, and Metallica: good tunes, Tony.

 

The inside really does look good, and it looks like the seats can almost give you a massage. So I watched ZR-1 videos from March 16, 2011, and Aug 29, 2013. The love of those cars doesn’t change (but I’ve heard he really loves GOATS); his hair, however, goes from curly to manbun to businessman.

 

How did I get side-tracked by a Corvette ZR-1. I planned to watch a virtual tour of The FUG: New Dealership Walk Through (Feb 24, 2017) because reportedly 80% of you customers never see the showrooms in person, let along the work areas and the back lot. I personally am looking forward to using my special BandE skill some night soon to look around all the sub-basements – surely there are sub-basements - of that back building. I bet it’s where all the sizzling hot cars go to play at night.

 

And thanks for the…ummm…gentle hint, Tony: 4” wider in the rear….mutter mutter grumble - Zadie B  

 

 

FOR THE CROWN PRINCE

Scheherazade Bond (July 2020)

 

Interpol contacted me in early January: was I available to investigate a world-wide vehicle smuggling operation out of the port of Los Angeles and possibly involving 14 cars being shipped by Fleming’s Ultimate Garage. I made arrangements to quietly board the vessel when it docked along the Straits of Magellan. So began a month-long journey.

 

While the ship was docked I was able to enter the hold, find the FUG cars, and search them. As suspected, there were drugs in four FUG vehicles, as well as other dealers’ shipments. I warned Mr. Fleming, while somewhat re-assuring him that Interpol had him low on the list of persons of interest. Before crossing the Atlantic headed for the Canary Islands, the ship made a final stop in Brazil. I was on high alert as I detected activity near the cars.

 

Eight days later all was quiet at Los Palmos in the Canaries. We proceeded east through the Med, with an uneventful stop at Piraeus, Greece. The Beirut stop was chaotic: I was barely able to remain undetected when one night there was high activity. I feared a large shipment of Captagon tablets was being hidden in the vehicles for delivery to Dubai.

There was no further activity in the hold as we transitted the Suez Canal (an amazing experience) and headed south through the Red Sea to the Indian Ocean. Tensions were high, but we passed uneventfully through the area of the Somali pirates and northeast around the Arabian Peninsula. In early February we finally arrived at the Port of Jebel Ali, Dubai.

 

Interpol agents and Dubai police took possession of all the vehicles, including the FUG shipment which included seven cars for Crown Prince Fazza. I was pleased with the efficiency and skill of the Dubai officials and ten FUG cars were quickly cleared; 4 cars were held as they did contain Captagon and other drugs and the identity of the purchaser was murky. Fortunately, by this time FUG was cleared. I met with Crown Prince Fazza, who was delighted with his purchases and declared “I look forward to visiting my new friend Tony Fleming when I visit the States later this year.” I cautioned Mr. Fleming that the Crown Prince would want to drive everything in the showroom and that perhaps the police should be notified that Fazza would turn Lofstrand Road into a race course.

 

Wild times indeed and cheers to you all, Zadie B

 

 

 

THEY STOLE THE ENGINE

Scheherazade Bond

 

We’re at home again on a Sunday night, with our wine and cheese and chocolate and a video, after spending several early morning hours watching over FUGs for signs of  Grand Theft Auto principles coming around….they haven’t….yet.  The three of us are trying to decide who to vote for FUG VIDEO STAR OF THE MONTH:  Angie, Rich, or Tony.  

 

Rich has the wildest offer:  buy the 2002 Hummer H-1 and get the 2003 Shadow free.  Really Rich?  Last time you  offered two Ferraris for the price of one – well, something like that….can’t remember exactly….this Tawny Port is really, really good.  We decide to learn more and watch Tony’s May 14, 2020, video on the Hummer.  He really gets excited about this one.  (Note:  we can’t actually think of one he isn’t excited about.) But at the end all we’ve written down is “nothing hangs down.”  We ponder and enjoy the port….and ponder:  Clearance! Amazing Clearance! That’s what he’s talking about.  And maybe fording a stream that’s up to the window.  EEK! What if suddenly there’s a WATER MOCCASIN in the front window!! Good Grief….Cockadoodles....Sh…. We’d rather face Somali pirates.

 

Now it’s Tony’s turn:  let’s watch the May 13, 2020, one on the 2008 Porsche 911 Carrera, which turns out being nothing like the “polished VW Beetle” he thought it was.  It’s such an amazing car that we might consider trading our....no, no, no can’t say it.   Did we just hear him say, “OMG! They stole the engine!” 

 

And now for Angie’s….You Go, Girl….July 17, 2020, video made for the original owner of a 1970 Dodge Challenger, that includes photos of Richard Petty autographing the inside of the trunk.  She tracked down the owner, using great detective skills. YEAH! This one is so nice.

 

Oh – come on – it’s a 3-way tie.  One of us has gotta give or we’ll have to invite someone else in for the vote.  Oh well, Daisy, as Human Resources Manager, would probably tell us a tie is best for morale.  Except Rich does have a hot deal and all those little Facebook goodies he’s making now – so cute!  But Angie’s red hair is best and so plentiful.  And Tony…well he’s Tony:  El Jefe.  

 

And now it’s video time: “ The Wire” – wonder if its author George Pelecanos ever visits FUGs?  He lives in Hyattsville and the characters in his terrific novels (they’re always bestsellers-we just love them) would love all those gorgeous shiny muscle cars.  

 

SHOWTIME!  Zadie B

 

 

HERE’S TO ALL THE THINGS WE LOVE

Scheherazade Bond

 

Hello My Pretties and welcome to the elegant and sensuous world of Moi:  Muriel.  Think Sophia or Catherine or Helen or…. yes – Dolly or Tina.  I’m the Rolls, Jaguar, Maserati of the group…or maybe one day Gull-Wing Coupe.  And while we’re on the subject of cars:

 

As I sip some marvelous bubbly, I think FUGs needs a calendar pairing a few of their gorgeous cars with….”car enthusiasts”? cheese? chocolate? wine?  Yes of course:  a calendar depicting a Ferrari and an Amarone ….on the beach in front of a lovely little place that we shall retire to after relaxing a bit.  (NOTE:  no drinking and driving ever permitted.)  Now let’s see what FUGs has today:

 

January: a 1964 GTO and Bordeaux  and dare we add Tony

February:  a Mustang (you must have one hidden somewhere) and Zinfandel  

March:  the 2002 Hummer and Shiraz and Rich who wants to sell one

April:  2007 Porsche and  Riesling…. maybe Rich will look better here

May:  1970 Dodge and Cabernet Sauvignon and Angie – sorry no Hellcat

June:   2000 Pontiac and Virginia Viognier and Trey, the silver-haired gentleman

July:  1969 Mercedes and  Burgundy and Scott with the divine Miss Daisy

August: 2008 Corvette and Super Tuscan  and Henry the Fun 

September: 1978 Camaro and Rioja and ??? 

October:  2008 Maserati and Cotes du Rhone and Sookhar - here with my faves

November:  1956 Buick Super and Oregon Pinot Noir and ??? 

December:  1976 Lincoln Continental and bubbly  and Me, with brother Santa

 

Front cover: Parked in front of FUGs we see a red 1999 Prowler, white 2015  Mitsubishi, blue 1970 Nova, and silver 2002 Maserati and a cooler of…….

 

Back Cover:  Mr. B’s Woody and the last of my 10-year-old Tawny Port.  The delightful Mr. B found this car in one of those vine-covered decrepit sheds out back and restored it.  Tony says he’s never found one “out back” that was worth keeping.

 

So – here’s to all the wonderful gentlemen – Sean and Clint and Robert and….yes – Willie.  And all you FUG ladies and gentlemen:  keep at it and age gracefully:)                            Muriel, for Zadie B                                                                (August 2020)



P.S. Of course, beer or whiskey or scotch might pair better, but My Dears, I only know NattyBoh and Bass.

 

 

THE SOUND OF ONE DOOR CLOSING

Scheherazade Bond

 

3:30 in the morning.  Not a soul in sight….though Franklin and Trevor may have driven slowly by an hour ago.  Angel Gracey and I came up the driveway on the left side of Fleming’s – click….click….cllliiiickkkkk…..clunk…..SLAM……clickclick.  We peek in.  What the….??? All the cars are opening and closing their driver’s–side doors!!! And they’ve turned on the computers and are watching Tony carefully opening and closing the door of that 1969 Mercedes 280 SL and sighing happily:  he’s a door freak!!

 

So we’ve been watching all the You.Tube videos Tony made this year trying to determine which door sounds best.  Why do this? Well, why not do this door thing Tony loves to do….while we wait for Interpol to call, of course.

 

Here goes:

 

  1. 1976 Lincoln Continental Mark IV (this is the one where we’re wrapped in Butter Crème Butter Crème), August 1, 2020. At minute 5:15 it’s the trunk and at 5:44 it’s the door. 

 

  1. 1969 Mercedes 280SL, August 1, 2020.  At minute 4:49 “SOLID - closes like a champ.”

 

  1. 1967 Chevelle SS 396, April 12, 2020.  It’s the trunk at 6:03 and the door at 6:24.   Plus, he really really likes the GIANT radiator.

 

  1. 1968 Camaro, August 30, 2019.  This one has a “serious door” at minute 5:58.

 

  1. 1956 Buick Super, June 18, 2929.  A great door at 6:24.  Plus this one is a real favorite  with Santa, Mrs. C and sister Muriel.

 

  1. 2004 Maserati Cambiocorsa Coope GT, March 5, 2020.  Door closes at minute 4:56.  We just had to include a Maserati because the entire package is so awesome.

 

You know, Tony, we think we get it:  the door sounding so great could indicate the rest of the car is great.  Sort of like what you said in your July 31, 2020, video on the 1982 Corvette Collector Edition  -- the underhood light works -  means someone has taken care that all the other stuff works.  And that’s pretty cool.  

 

Wild cheers to all you door closers.  And which door sounds best – we can’t decide…can you?  Zadie B                                                                                (August 2020)

 

THE BURNING CAR FESTIVAL

Scheherazade Bond

 

Here we are again……it’s midnight and we’re across the street from FUGs in one of their mini coopers.  Do you think Tony knows we drive his cars around at night?  Nah, I don’t think he knows.  But I’m sure that as good we are at returning to the exact spot….Sookhar knows.  He knows EVERYTHING that happens here.

 

So what’d ya want to do now?  No one’s driving by – no Grand Theft Auto stars;  no joyriding teenagers;  no police cruisers; n-o-t-h-i-n-g  is h-a-p-p-e-n-i-n-g.

 

I know:  let’s plan something!  They just finished that huge motorcycle rally in Sturgis.  Let’s plan a rally.   YEAH!  But Tony doesn’t really have a bunch of motorcycles.  I know……how ‘bout…. MONSTER MUSCLE CAR MANIA!

 

But I don’t think the Rockville city mothers and fathers would like all the world’s muscle cars flexing  themselves up and down Norbeck, First, Lincoln, Lofstrand, Taft, Gude, and Southlawn. So we have to limit it to……great movie cars.  YES! MONSTER MOVIE MUSCLE CAR MANIA!

Calling all:

 ’77 Pontiac Trans Ams – yeah Smoky and the Bandits and Burt

’77 – ’07 Chevy Camaros – ones that can Transform – FUGs has lots of Camaros

’66 Ford Thunderbirds with Thelma and Louise at the wheel.  WHOOPPEEE!

’68 Mustang GT’s – Steve McQueen is so welcome – get some Mustangs, Tony

’69 orange Dodge Charger “Generals” – FUGs had one of these; and let’s see some ’74

               Petty Blue #43s         

 ’70 Dodge Chargers – FUGs has one Van Diesel can drive  and someone can buy!

’81 DeLoreans – hey, that’s not a muscle car; I know but it was so cool in Back to the               

               Future, and Tony may get another one to sell some day

’74 Dodge Monaco – if you have a DeLorean, I can have Jake and Elwood Blues’ car

’73-’76 Gran Torinos – let’s hear it for The Big Lebowski and Starsky and Hutch. And

               didn’t Clint have one?

’58 Plymouth Fury – no way we could keep Christine from coming

#3  and #88 Chevy  SS or Malibus – The Intimidator has to come! pretty please, Jr.

               come too!

’59 Cadillac (we said muscle cars) – but we all want a Ghostbusters’ Ectomobile – 

                Tony, will your guys make one for us?

’68 Mercury Cyclone – with Cale at the wheel

’73 Ford Falcon – by Mad Max, of course

’69 Mustang  ala John Wick and Keanu

’76 Lotus Esprits and Aston Martins – 007 must be here…right, Sookhar?

Swamp Rats – how can we not have something that goes 270mph, Big Daddy Don!

 

And a 40’  tall Burning Car…no, that’s Burning Man….oh they cancelled this year? Then Rockville will have one!  OH WHAT FUN – Zadie B  (August 2020)

       

 

Bring on More Goodies

Scheherazade Bond

 

It’s 3:30 in the morning, not a soul…..OH CHILL, GARTH! 

 

 We’re tired of slithering up the driveway to peer into the FUG showroom to see those beautiful cars that all look yellowish-green in our night vision goggles!!  How  ‘bout letting us walk in at 2pm or 11am in the bright sunshine like normal people…..oh right…normal…..maybe that’s not the adjective that best describes us?  We’re: curious and perhaps a bit….unusual.  

 

So anyway, Scott sent us a list of six new cars that we really need to check out.  I’m sure they must be great, cuz after all, he showed us our breathtaking Mas, Aurora.  Hopefully Tony (or Scott or Tony, Scott, and Rich and why not add Trey and Henry and Angie, etc.) will do some You.Tube videos – you know – the ones where he extols the virtues of the giant brakes and tells us why  the car looks so great because we don’t know why it looks so great. (actually we enjoy your telling us.)   And then he gets in the cars and they all have so much room that his 6’1”ness  fits comfortably.  He proceeds to caress the leather interiors and gently finger the dashboards.   HAVE MERCY! 

 

Back to Scott and his ’94 and ‘79 TransAms, an ‘01 Prowler, a yellow ’04 Honda S2000, an ’87  IROC-Z28 Camaro , and YEAH an ’82 triple black Corvette.  He says the ’79 TransAm and the Corvette are “loaded” – Muriel is very keen on seeing them as she too is usually  “loaded”.  Ohhh – will their pictures be on your website soon?  Didn’t Tony tell us in his July 31 video that ‘82 Corvettes are some of his favorites? There may not be pictures of the IROC-Z28 yet, but their ’87 yellow Camaro is so nice and happy! All black ones we see now are just plain scary, and one of them thought it could take on Aurora.  In its dreams.

 

And while we’re talking You.Tube videos – what to make of the one with Cole and Henry and that gorgeous brilliant yellow ’06 Ferrari F430 Spyder (Aug 18, 2020) on the road to Capital Detailing.   Can’t decide which is better – the Ferrari or the ’63 split window Corvette (Aug 11, 2020) – the one that Rich says “makes me a little nervous”.  These guys are always so cute! And we all know their cars are to die for. Thank heavens Angie’s there to get the best shots.  

 

It’s 11:34 in the morning, bright blue skies, 79 degrees,  low humidity and we’ll see you all soon.  WE’RE HEADING FOR FUGs!!       Wild cheers, Zadie B (Aug. 2020)

 

 

KIM’S COLLECTION

Scheherazade Bond

 

Finally!  Our reports have been declassified and we can tell everyone what happened after we met  Crown Prince Fazza of Dubai.  As I had plans to fly to Nome, Alaska, for the end of the Iditarod, Fazza told me to contact his friend, Thomas Waerner, one of the mushers and a muscle car enthusiast.   Waerner won the race on March 18.  Interpol had unconfirmed intel linking Waerner to illegal smuggling.

 

So this is what happened:  Interpol had word that North Korean leader Kim Jong-un was interested in American muscle cars and had tasked his overseas agents Kimbongsokyong Trading Co, an affiliate of the North Korean Ministry of the People’s Armed Forces, with “acquiring a selection” for his private collection, as well as for gifts to devoted comrades. 

 

Interpol notified several of us to be on the lookout for activity at our sites.  Angel Gracey and I set up a surveillance schedule at Fleming’s, and I let Tony know what was happening.  He confirmed that he was not aware of any recent, troubling daytime visitors.

 

And then:  a brown van drove slowly along Lofstrand 0230-0300 last night and again tonight.   Interpol is watching known contacts of Kimbongsokyong.  Security agents of Gateway Classics are on high alert at their locations. We expect they’ll hit somewhere tonight (Saturday)  or tomorrow night with a probable route to Alaska via the Alcan Highway and onto a trawler off the Alaskan coast.  Connection to Waerner is unknown – advisor?  liaison with trawler? 

 

Tuesday 1400 hours:  we are receiving info that Remlinger Muscle Cars in Winona, MN, and Rochester Auto Museum, NY,  were hit sometime after Sunday closing and 10am opening today.  Assuming attacks occurred late Sunday night, the transport vehicles have probably reached a departure port in Alaska: a 2,740 mile trip to Juneau in 51 hours, or a departure near Vancouver will already have occurred – 1,882 miles in 28 hours.  We now assume the cars have been loaded onto trawlers and are well on their way, probably to Nampo, N.Korea. 

 

We do not yet know how or if Waerner was involved.   We are greatly relieved that all of the  beautiful FUG cars are safe. 

 

 Oh...and speaking of FUG cars:   Muriel is assuming you’ve seen that gorgeous cabernet sauvignon-colored Maserati?  Isn’t that a spectacular color!  Angel Gracey is eyeing those three Alfa Romeo’s – red, black, and silver with that amazing V-shaped grill and one of them had the coolest, Rich called them, “phone dial hubcaps”.  How uncool is that! We prefer….five-leaf-clover-caps.  

 

Hope to see you at Fleming’s.  Wild Cheers To You All!!    Zadie B (Sept 2020) 




Was FUG Twister’d?

Scheherazade Bond

 

Hey You All - remember the wild weather we had in early September, including tornado warnings that showed circular movement RIGHT ON TOP of FUG – we were so worried that our FUG friends would have to take cover in the sub-basement of the building out back and that lots of the cars would be picked up and carried to…..OH MY… NOT OZ!! Could it happen??? 

 

So which cars would end up there?  Surely the Munchkins will claim the ’72 Fiat Cabriolet and the Mini Coopers, because as Angie says – who wouldn’t want to drive “adorable little lawnmowers.”  And Fiats are perfect for stuffing with Doritos and running around in Oz.  But how will the Munchkins get 6’8” Colin out - he’s stuck in one of them.  Well let’s hope the Munchkins are all set.

 

What about The Foursome:  Dorothy and Toto just want to go home and they should do it in that spiffy 1931 Mercedes Benz.  FUG’s red 1970 Dodge Charger, or maybe the Plymouth Barracuda will give anyone courage, so give one of them  to Lion.  Nothing looks more like love than a 1957 red Porsche 356 and Tinman can give it and his new heart to Nimmie  Amee.  Scarecrows with brains, as well as the rest of us, know that anyone with a brain will choose a Maserati sometime in their lives, and Tony always has Maseratis. 

 

 And won’t the monkeys look awesome in Prowlers? (“The weight reduction makes it a quick and nimble ride” – how did an intelligent comment like that get in my fan mail? Or was this a comment about its V6 engine being the same as  something else’s that weighs a lot more and so….what am I talking about? And why??)

 

  Glinda wants that 2008 Bentley Continental and the Wicked Witch will certainly go for the black with red 1967 Chevy Camaro RS convertible….or do you think she’s more into yellow 2002 Hummers? Which is better at shock-awe-terrify? And for when she’s on a beach vacation – the orange Citroen Mehari could be a ton of fun for a green witch. Ok ok….not a ton….1,256 lbs. But if you add 10 75-pound flying monkeys who need rides because they totaled their Prowlers.…never mind.  Meanwhile, Tony says to just “keep on prowling.” (FYI-Hummers weigh 3.5 tons.)

 

Now as for the Wizard – let him have the 2008 silver Porsche 911 Turbo.   And for Aunt Em – she doesn’t seem like the type, but we know she’s always, always wanted a 1976 Lincoln Continental Mark IV to cruise along those lonely roads in Kansas. 

 

I know you’re thinking the Wizard or maybe the Wicked Witch would choose the amazing 1963 Chevy Corvette split-window Fuelie, but guess what – Rich made sure it went into the sub-basement.

 

YEAH – no tornado. All those terrific cars are still there. Let’s shop!         –Zadie B                                    

 

 

DR. TONY IS IN

Scheherazade Bond

 

Bartender, psychiatrist, used car salesman, psychologist, life coach – let me think about this…..I choose……used car salesman.  I think if you need advise, why not get it from someone who prescribes…. gorgeous cars.

 

So You All,  now is a great time to  watch You.Tube, Oct. 24, 2016, Goss’ Garage and Tony Fleming to know his advise is the best.  He talks about unplugging with motorcycles and gorgeous cars.   Pat says “you’re in the therapy business”. Tony responds he doesn’t have a license – well yes he has a “license for fun.”  And he tells us why this time of the year is the best for buying, as well as for cruising around the Blue Ridge Parkway, the Eastern Shore, and other great places in the MD/VA area.  And his take on auctions (minute 5:05) is really funny!  Oh – and if you want to know about leasing – minute 7:55).

 

Well - here’s our experience with Dr. Tony:  there was a day in the summer of 2019 when we  sent him a screeching email “WHAT AM I THINKING???? A MASERATI GRAN TURISMO SPORT!!!!!! HOW CAN I POSSIBLY DESERVE A MASERATI!!!  (actually it was Grizelda The Unapproachable who emailed him – she’s the screechy, hysterical one.) And he calmly and quietly wrote back (yes, I know emails usually don’t murmur soothingly, but this one really did) that I’m not extravagant; I am deserving; I can afford it; and if my family and friends don’t approve, he’ll find me something else.  Well my family and friends thought it was a hoot.  Scott had me drive it all around…ummm sort of fast on that curvy, 2-lane road.  So….. I decided I’d just trust that Tony knew what I needed because I don’t think I really knew what I was doing.  TA DA!! SHAZAM!! (Is shazam related to shiraz?)   And beautiful Aurora, Goddess of the Dawn, became mine. 

 

“A basket case….don’t date one.” is a piece of his  advice.  As is having automatic window controls so you don’t have to reach across and strain your torn rotator cuffs.  And be sure to have AC or keep the windows up so your hair products don’t ooze down your neck.  Well –maybe these aren’t earth-shaking bits of advice, but they are useful. We just can’t remember what car he was talking about.  What we do know for sure is that if you ask anyone at FUG, they’ll be sure that whatever you buy  will absolutely improve your peace of mind and your level of happiness. 

 

Wild Cheers, Zadie B  (Sept 2020)

 

 

 

MUSCLE CAR APPRECIATION FOR DUMMIES

STOP THE PRESSES:  NASCAR + MJ

Scheherazade Bond

 

Mr. Fleming and Other Fugers:   Angel Gracey here.  This is my first fan mail to you.  I would have been smart to contact Angie, my Hellcat heroine, before writing….but…. I didn’t.  We are really trying to learn to fully appreciate muscle cars.  Unfortunately, we started with your 1970 Dodge Chargers – the ones with the noses?  Or is that a mouth?  Remember as a kid, pulling the sides of your mouth wide and sticking out your tongue?  All the views of these Chargers are good EXCEPT the front view – but if I’m driving I don’t have to see this, well obviously in my rearview mirror.  And I do know the Charger was banned by NASCAR for just being too powerful. We won’t even discuss Smokey Yunick’s Camaros.  WOW!

 

Note from Zadie:  if you readers (I assume I have one –Tony - or two - Angie) think Angel Gracey, Muriel, and I are off base with this, you may certainly skip the next two paragraphs: it may be obvious we don’t know what we’re talking about.

 

So – back to “Muscle Car Appreciation for Dummies”.  We do think the 1970 Mustang is boss.  We were completely sold right off with the spectacular BLUE color.  Even though we sold FUG a 1970 Camaro and the family is only allowed to buy Chevy’s (oh my – the rules M broke to buy Aurora!), the Mustang looks great.

 

But our eye turned to Chevelle’s.  Tony has an April 27, 2020, You.Tube video on a cranberry red with black stripe and hood flaps and special wheels LS7.  I’m afraid our heads are spinning with all the things this car had, and we promise you, Tony, we’ll  really study so we know what you’re talking about.  He’s got a couple of great Chevelle’s now:  check ‘em out. 

 

 STOP THE PRESSES!  ANGEL GRACEY IS LIKE A WHIRLING DIRVISH IN ECSTACY!!

 

It was just announced that AG’s favorite athlete MICHAEL JORDAN is partnering with Denny Hamlin (currently #2 in the NASCAR Cup Championship race for Joe Gibbs Racing) to be single car owners and their driver is the oh-so-wonderful-to-look-at BUBBA WALLACE.  Their car will be a Toyota.  So the NASCAR season begins Feb 9, 2021, with a wild sounding first race at Daytona and culminates with the Daytona 500 Feb 14.  And Michael Jordan will be there in the pits: hopefully the TV cameras focus occasionally on the race and not just on Jordan.   (Oh in case you are interested, as we were, Jordan owns five cars: an Aston Martin, Ferrari,  Mercedes,  Chevy ZR1 and Corvette.)   Are we excited?  YES, we are!

 

So now it’s back to listening to all the good stuff Tony tells us about his muscle cars and studying to understand what he’s saying. 

 

Have Fun this week and wild cheers, Angel Gracey and Zadie B

 

 

 

 

MUSCLE CAR APPRECIATION, part 2

Scheherazade Bond

 


Mr. Fleming – It’s me, Angel Gracey, back again. Sorry about exhuberating all over your fan mail last week: but how fun is it to have Michael, Denny, and Bubba
together at NASCAR cup races next year, and OMG, on March 28 they’ll be at Bristol ON DIRT!! So - thanks to Google, I’m back to business and that beautiful blue 1971 Mustang Boss 351 with the black hood and cool silver stripe. DISCLAIMER: if you think the following information isn’t exactly correct or sounds
funny…. well that’s Angel Gracey et. al. doing our kooky best The Boss 302, 429, and 351 were designed by Larry Shinoda who “just accidently” (??) named them the Boss. It has a chin spoiler (hadn’t heard of those) which in daily drivers is mostly for appearance: it adds more volume to the front bumper so the car looks more
aggressive . In race cars, it changes the aerodynamics. Well of course it does –everyone knows that, just like the rear one does. (though Tony says the rear spoiler can double as a “table for two on the trunk.”)

And the engineering video on differentials is really interesting (the Boss’ is 9”). 9” rear differential: gears – power from the engine moves the drive shaft that has a
pinion gear at the end meshed to a ring gear (this is the 9” one- or 8.8” or 9.38”) and to a spider gear, which rotates around on two planes, to a side gear. And on we go turning the axle and wheels. Don’t you just love those spider gears, rotating their little hearts out so we can go around curves smoothly. Why 9” instead of 8.8” –
plentiful, tough, and has a drop out center section so it’s easy to switch out parts. (remember our disclaimer!) So while we’re at it: in 50 AD Greek mathematician Archimedes was the first to write about gears. Earlier Aristotle had discussed gear-like devices and the Chinese even earlier may have had wheel- and gear–like devices. And how about M. C. Escher’s drawings that aren’t gears at all (they’re stairs), but certainly look like gears.

There’s so much good stuff to learn! Don’t know what we’re going to do with it all, but we’re learning, Mr. Fleming, we really are learning.

Cheers and checkered flag waving and visits to FUG, where THEY DO KNOW what they’re talking about. And check out that wonderful 1940 Ford Woody Wagon:
Muriel wants it badly!

Angel Gracey (Sept. 2020)

 

 

STEALABLES

Scheherazade Bond

 


Airbags and catalytic converters – they’re both in cars, but why discuss them together? (or at all?) Well – according to the Rockville Police Dept. they’re being
stolen, and “cars” and “stolen” are two words that always get my attention, since as you all know, it’s my job to guard THE GARAGE. Also, nationwide both items are
increasingly being stolen.

So – did you know:
129 air bags were stolen from cars in a parking lot on Hungerford Drive in Rockville one night last month. Since June air bags have become popular items to steal in the DC area. New ones for the driver’s side cost $200-$700 and for the passenger’s side it’s $400-$1,000. Plus labor. WOW – do not let someone steal yours!
In September a couple of catalytic converters were stolen each week. Catalytic converters are stolen everywhere and often. I may have read that last year London
averaged 10 stolen every night of the year. Yes, I have unusual reading habits, or could I have made this up?

Well, it apparently only takes a couple of minutes to steal a catalytic converter and you can get $240 for one – I think mostly for the platinum, palladium, and rhodium
in them. Does this seem like a lot? Yes, indeedy! Could I have made this up too?!? (Honestly, Zadie, get with it.) But you REALLY don’t want yours stolen – such a
nuisance to have to get a new one, and they cost $950-$2,500, plus labor. We don’t need to worry about the catalytic converters in a lot of Tony’s cars: they’re
so low who can get under them? Since as many of you know….and if you don’t – just wait a few years and you will….aim and let gravity get you in them and install a hoist in your garage to get you out. Or include a lot of knee bends and lunges in your exercise routine. Back to catalytic converters and since you may not know – the small amount of sulfur present in fuel is converted to sulfur dioxide, which has no odor. When the converter breaks or the filtering layers wear down, sulfur is not transformed into the odorless form and you have –oooh YUCK rotten eggs. I also read that putting your vin number on them might help – however, I can’t find where
a bunch of them have been recovered and identified by vin number.

Well – hasn’t this been fun, but I think I’d rather check out where in Italy you get those cute Fiats, Minis and the Citroen, and visit Aurora’s hometown while I’m
there.

Keep smiling BEHIND YOUR FACE MASK. Wild cheers, Zadie B (October 2020)

 

 

 Made In Italy

Scheherazade Bond

 

Ciao Folks – a few days ago we checked the FUG website’s “Current Inventory” and saw eleven gorgeous cars that have something exciting in common: they were all
made in Italy (4 Fiats, 3 Alfa Romeos, 3 Maseratis, and an Abarth) and we know that means fabulous sleek styling. Also, we really, really want to be somewhere
other than here in the DC area….for a few days anyway. So – we did some research and …..here we all are about to visit some amazing places that have one wonderful thing in common: there’s a plant that makes amazing cars there! So where to first – Maranello, Modena, Turin, Sant’Agat Bolognese? Ohhh all these
goodies, but Modena has Alfa Romeo 4c, Maserati MC20 (oh – miei amori), and nearby are the Lamborghini and Ferrari plants and that absolutely unbelievable
Pagani Huayra. We’re going to see all these gorgeous cars and start harassing Tony to find some used ones. :-)

We flew from Washington to Bologna and rented a car for the 28 mile trip to Modena. Oh this is SO EXCITING! Casa Maria Luigia, an 18 th century countryside
manor house is just wonderful. We’re relaxing already. Muriel has all the great contacts for these visits – most of those plants are very off-limits to visitors. Our first
visit is to see the production of Maserati’s exquisite new MC20. Can you get us a used one next year, Tony? At the moment you’ve got a black 2012 Gran Turismo, a
purple 2017 Ghibli, and a 2017 white Quattroporte. I mean PURPLE!! Goodness, Maseratis are so awesome.

All the plants seem to be within 15 miles of Modena, sort of in the northeastern part of Italy. Fall is just gorgeous here….and the food.…and the wine….and the
clothes….oh yes, and the cars! AND....

…. OMG…can you believe that Muriel? She decided to go grocery shopping and NO ONE – ABSOLUTELY NO ONE else would run into Horatio Pagani checking out the
eggplants! And the next thing we knew she drove off with him in his Huayra! Well –he is a nice looking 65-yr-old Argentinian/Italian gentleman and engineer (isn’t his
carbotanium – carbon fibre and titanium filaments woven together – amazing stuff -Lamborghinis sure thought so), and we know Muriel is amazing in so many ways.
I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about…..right? RIGHT? FYI - I know you want to know Huayra-tata was the Quechua wind god, and while we’re at it, a ghibli is an
Egyptian Arabic word for a hot, dust-bearing wind from the south. While Muriel is off on what must be a breathtaking drive in that Huayra, we’ll just relax by the pool and sip and nibble….mmmmmm…aaaahhh….and start our tours
tomorrow.

Arrivederci - Zadi B (Oct. 2020)

 

 

De-cipher = De-mystify

Scheherazade Bond
 

SHOW US THE GOODS! SHOW US THE GOODS! I DO NOT like to be kept waiting, Tony – and you have nine, that’s NINE “Coming Soon”s in your current inventory :

3 Rover Minis ( green 95, white 93, red 91);
3 Fiats (grey 71, cream 70, cream 66);
3 others - pearlescent 79 Firebird TransAm,
cranberry 71 Chevelle;
dark blue 70 Challenger.

While I do understand that even as we speak the Rovers and the Fiats are possibly in the hold of some ship on it’s way from Italy to Baltimore, I simply don’t care!! GET THEM HERE. I need to see them and buy them as Christmas presents: I don’t know what the rest of your customers are going to buy (well – I’m positive a pearlescent TransAm will immediately catch someone’s eye, and I’ve always been partial to shades of red, and oh my goodness Challengers!) because I’m splurging and getting “my girls” little cars.

I think it’s so cool you get cars for us from Italy. And you’ve both bought and sold Mustangs from Australia and New Zealand. And, of course, we all remember the cars you shipped to the Port of Jebel Ali, Dubai, and Prince Fazza. Did Muriel ever tell you about the afternoon she spent in the Swiss port (yes, a Swiss “port”) on the bilge barge, having been invited by the barge Captain to accompany him on his bilge-cleaning rounds? But we surely digress here.

Back to that ’70 Crème Fiat 500 Berlina Cabriolet. I didn’t know what “cabriolet” meant. In France in the 1800s a cabriolet was a horse-driven carriage with two
wheels and a top that could be pulled over the two occupants. Now “cabriolet” is interchangable with “convertible”. “Berlina” is Italian for “sedan”. And the ’71 Fiat
500 is described as “lusso” = “luxury”. “Stelvio” (an Alfa Romeo) is the Italian for the municipality of Stilfs in South Tyrol, and their “Giulia” = youthful. I am so over
being intimidated by these descriptor words, right? We need a specialized class in Italian. (It’s sort of like figuring out what varietal a French wine really is.)

Well let’s hear it for Google (or maybe not these days): I might be described as a “Fiat 500 girl” at heart because I’m “loyal, funny, and love to tweet while watching
Trash TV.” Heavens – Who Knew? And I have a Fiat Girls traits “if I’ve never been rinsed for it”, which may mean I’ve never been considered “unfashionable because
I’m overused, too old, or used by the wrong people.” GOOD GRIEF. Isn’t this a lot more fun than reading about pandemics!! Ummm, Tony --- am I supposed to be
writing about cars?

So what does “Coming Soon” really mean? Probably “we’ll see them when they’re
ready for us.” Cheers for ALL the FUG cars! Zadie B (Oct. 2020)

 

                                                         De-cipher = De-mystify

                                                            Scheherazade Bond

 

SHOW US THE GOODS!  SHOW US THE GOODS!  I  DO NOT  like to be kept waiting, Tony – and you have nine,  that’s NINE “Coming Soon”s in your current inventory :

 

                       3 Rover Minis ( green 95, white 93, red 91);

                       3 Fiats (grey 71, cream 70, cream 66);

                       3 others - pearlescent 79 Firebird TransAm,

                                          cranberry 71 Chevelle;

                                          dark blue 70 Challenger. 

 

While I do understand that even as we speak the Rovers and the Fiats are possibly in the hold of some ship on it’s way from Italy to Baltimore,  I simply don’t care!! GET THEM HERE.  I need to see them and buy them as Christmas presents: I don’t know what the rest of your customers are going to buy (well – I’m positive a pearlescent TransAm will immediately catch someone’s eye, and I’ve always been partial to shades of red, and oh my goodness Challengers!)  because I’m splurging and getting “my girls” little cars.

 

I think it’s so cool you get cars for us from Italy.  And you’ve both bought and sold Mustangs from Australia and New Zealand.  And, of course, we all remember the cars you shipped to the Port of Jebel Ali, Dubai, and Prince Fazza.  Did Muriel ever tell you about the afternoon she spent in the Swiss port (yes, a Swiss “port”) on the bilge barge, having been invited by the barge Captain to accompany him on his bilge-cleaning rounds?  But we surely digress here.

 

Back to that  ’70 Crème Fiat 500 Berlina Cabriolet.  I didn’t know what “cabriolet” meant.  In France in the 1800s a cabriolet was a horse-driven carriage with two wheels and a top that could be pulled over the two occupants.  Now “cabriolet” is interchangable with “convertible”.  “Berlina” is Italian for “sedan”.  And the ’71 Fiat 500 is described as “lusso” = “luxury”.   “Stelvio” (an Alfa Romeo)  is the Italian for the municipality of Stilfs in South Tyrol, and their “Giulia” = youthful.  I am so over being intimidated by these descriptor words, right?  We need a specialized class in Italian.   (It’s sort of like figuring out what  varietal a French wine really is.) 

 

Well let’s hear it for Google (or maybe not these days): I might be described as a “Fiat 500 girl” at heart because I’m “loyal, funny, and love to tweet while watching Trash TV.”  Heavens – Who Knew? And I have a Fiat Girls traits “if I’ve never been rinsed for it”, which may mean I’ve never been considered “unfashionable because I’m overused, too old, or used by the wrong people.”  GOOD GRIEF. Isn’t this a lot more fun than reading about pandemics!!  Ummm, Tony --- am I supposed to be writing about cars?

 

So what does “Coming Soon” really mean? Probably “we’ll see them when they’re ready for us.”  Cheers for ALL the FUG cars!                             Zadie B (Oct. 2020)

 

 

 

VENTIPORTS

Scheherazade Bond

 

Did you see it? The Oct 22 nd FUG email about “The Value of Owning a Classic Car” had a picture of a blue Beetle. Oh my wonderful first car: a green 1968 beetle with
big yellow daisies on the hubcaps. And good grief - the first time it had a problem the battery was dead and who knew the battery was under the back seat? Anyway,
right next to that picture is the price: $29,438. I think my ‘68 was $4,000. Go read the email – it’s much better than me reminiscing about my VW.

AND - did you see Angie and Scott’s October 14 video of the 1956 Buick Roadmaster convertible? Such a gorgeous car! And they obviously are having a great time
showing it off - once Scott figured out the control buttons for the convertible top! Ohhh – that awesome emblem on the front grill. Check out those “ventiports”. The idea for ventiports came from a modification Buick styling chief Ned Nickles made to his own Roadmaster. Four amber lights were installed on each side of the hood and were wired to the distributor. Lights flashed on and off when each piston fired…. supposed to simulate the flames from the exhaust stack of a fighter airplane. Combined with a bombsight mascot, the ventiports put the driver at the controls of an imaginary fighter plane. Buick chief Harlow Curtice liked this styling so much that he ordered non-lighting ventiports be installed on all 1949 Buicks with the number of ventiports (3 or 4) corresponding to the relative displacement of the straight-eight engine installed.

And of all things- just this week someone told me this is the origin of the “ventiports” on my Maserati. Now – that’s kind of fun to secretly know (and you
know how much we love secret stuff.) I’m giving you fair warning about my next Fan Mail: I’ve become fascinated by telescopic universal joints (like connecting a tractor to a piece of equipment it’s pulling) and constant velocity joints (in cars) and then there are those pesky synovial joints – I’ve got three new ones!!

Goodness….what am I becoming.

Wild Cheers and Halloween Candy, Zadie B (Oct. 2020)

P.S. DID YOU SEE WHAT FUG HAS??....The world’s only power folding hardtop convertible truck – a brilliantly shiny red 2004 Chevy SSR….it is so cute! And there’s
a Halloween $1031 discount!! Ohboyohboyohboy.

 

 

 

JOINTS

Scheherazade Bond


Splif….synovial….telescopic universal….gin….constant velocity? We know about all sorts of joints. Some are definitely more interesting….more fun….more
useful….more “X” rated….than others. Our dear “M” really knows her synovials, while Muriel is really good at gin, and Angel Gracey is probably best at splifs. I guess
that must mean that I, Zadie B, am left with telescopic universal and constant velocity? OH LORDIE! I bet someone with a name like Grizelda must know more
about those telescopic thingies than I do. So here goes. You asked for this, Tony….didn’t you? Angie? Rich? Cole? Daisy?

Ready….get set…..accelerate sharply and smoothly…..decelerate sharply and smoothly…..car shuddering? car lurching? hear any clunking? Yes? Oh
dear…sorry but you may have a bad constant velocity joint (cvj). Or is there grease on the inside or edge of a tire – well the cvj’s wear boots that keep grease from
leaking while the axle spins, and boots do wear out. They say you can go five months with a bad one, but….what do “they” really know. Apparently you usually replace
these babies two at a time for maybe $800-$1,200.

The inner cvj connects the transmission to the axle and the outer one connects the axle to the wheel. And they keep going round and round. (I like awesome little
spider gears better.) Okay – I’m quitting right now before I get too far behind. Tony has invited me to contact Kevin and Jim – FUG’s service manager and shop foreman. It’s past time that I do that, but you all do it anytime because those guys are just the best.

And speaking of the best, M says: synovials are such wonderful things, especially when they work. Replaced ones (knees and shoulders – haven’t tried hips yet)
improve one’s disposition immensely. I’m holding off on reporting Angel Gracey’s comments on splifs and Muriel’s gin comments, and Grizelda spat at me that it’ll be
a cold day in….before she tells me what she knows about telescopics on the farm!!

Now speaking of things we do know (gorgeous cars), as opposed to things we don’t
know diddly-squat about….Did you see the ’17 Jaguar, ’04 Chevy truck, ’71 Chevelle, ’70 Chargers, and the ’57 Porsche? I am SO INTO shiny red paint: it’s embarrassing! Oh but SO FUN. Good heavens - do not miss the 1966 wild cherry Chevelle.

Weather’s gorgeous, and I bet the line-up of to-die-for cars in front of FUG is absolutely beautiful. See you there. Wild Cheers, Zadie B (Nov. 2020)

 

 

WHO’S HERE? Or THERE?
Scheherazade Bond

 

OMG – Have you seen it?? FUG’s dazzling magic blue 1972 Pro-Touring-Everything.Included Chevelle?? I think Aurora would just sit there in shock if it appeared in the
parking spot next to her! Her Italian sense of elegance, grace, class, and restrained power….speaking of power, a question for Tony, or anyone – can Aurora “take” that Chevelle? And to have “Burning But Not Consumed” out there where everyone
trailing behind can see it!!

Well, I suppose I need to get over this awesomeness and tell you what’s been happening on Lofstrand Lane during the past few nights. HE’S BACK. Remember
last December 24th when the green miasma hovered over Rockville and tried to settle over FUG, but your muscle cars tore outside, flexing and defending you?
The Big Green G has been stealthily visiting, wrapped in a dark cloak, SLITHERING around your big front windows, SNEAKING a way inside because there it is: that
gorgeous, big red K-5 Blazer filling with Big G’s favorite things – TOYS! (Note: Santa and Mrs. C definitely approve of the K-5 which has room for oodles more
goodies.) And there he was SWINGING from rafter to rafter and gleefully SNICKERING, with a candy cane in his mouth and a hand full of gooey pink, green,
and blue Barrels-o-SLIME that he was throwing all over Magic Blue ‘72. And then SMEARING it on the windows and all your computer screens! And GLOPPING it on
all the headrests and steering wheels! OH TONY – IT WAS ABSOLUTELY DREADFUL.

Angel Gracey and I were horrified that we hadn’t been there soon enough to protect you from his desecrations. Those GHASTLY STRANDS of GOO slipping down from
the rafters onto the floor. DISGUSTING!! BUT…..we quickly knew a CASE of the VAPORS was not in order. GNASHING our teeth, with a GLEAM in our eyes (what could be seen behind our night vision goggles), we too stealthily OOZED into your showroom to do battle. Armed with giant-sized bottles of vinegar and water that could spray 15’, we suddenly SPRANG UP and ATTACKED, enveloping your rooms with VINEGAR MIST. (Note: we were fine, remembering to activate our gas masks, and we do apologize if you detected vinegar when you opened up - it was NOT Sookhar’s fault.)

OH SUCH A BATTLE WAS WAGED! The toys were SAVED. Magic Blue ‘72 was restored to his magnificence. And Big G – where is he? I’m sorry, we don’t know.
When all was cleaned and cleared, he just wasn’t there….or here. To be continued, I fear.

Triumphant, but wary, I remain your ever vigilant guardian, Zadie B (Nov. 2020)

NOTE: we’re pretty sure we got all the headrests and steering wheels de-gooed

 

 

HORSEPOWER

Scheherazade Bond

 

So it’s the late 1700’s and this really bright Scottish engineer James Watt has an amazing new invention, but he doesn’t have a marketing plan.   Well -  we all know now that he finally figured it  out by watching mill horses turning the mill’s central shaft.  And being a great engineer, James calculated that 1 HSP equaled one horse raising a 33 pound bucket of water from the bottom of a 1000’ deep well in 60 seconds.  Actually he calculated other stuff first, but he had to say it in farmer-friendlier terms.

 

So he used his new unit of power to compare how much work his stationary steam engine could do to that of a horse.  And so now we have the SSC Tuatara that can do the work of 1,750 horses!!  HEAD FOR THE HILLS, HERE THEY COME!!  And on October 10, 2020, Englishman Oliver Webb drove it at  316 mph on a road near Las Vegas…. street legal….carbon fiber – didn’t we read about Muriel’s friend Pagani coming up with carbon fiber.  They’re made in West Richland, Washington, and are named Tuatara, after a native New Zealand lizard that has the fastest molecular evolution of any living animal.  Now that, my dears, is WILD!

 

MAYBE A LIST OF THE WORLD’S FASTEST CARS, after our Tuatara (I didn’t include other models by the same car maker…just because):

(2) Bugatti Chiron’s (Alsace, France) have 1,577 HSP and can hit 304 mph

(3) Koenigsegg Agere (Angelholm, Sweden) – 1,341 HSP and 278 mph

(?) Hennessey Venom (Sealy, Texas) – 1,244 HSP and 270 mph

(10)McLaren Speedtail (Surrey, England)  – 1,036 HSP and 250 mph

(13) Pagani Huayra (Italy) – 750 HSP and 230mph

(14) Aston Martin (Warwickshire , England) – 750HSP and 220 mph

(15) Ferrari  (Italy) – 950 HSP and 220 mph

(17) Porsche 918 Spyder (Stuttgart, Germany)– 875 HSP and 218 mph

(19) Lamborghini Aventador (Italy) – 759 HSP and 217 mph

(20) Ford GT (Norwalk, Ohio)– 660 HSP and 216 mph

(22) Jaguar XJ (Birmingham, England) – 542 HSP and 212 mph

FUG HAS SOME REALLY FAST CARS FOR US:

  • ’08 Porsche 911 Turbo (Stuttgart) – 550HSP and 210 mph
  • ’08 Shelby (Las Vegas, Nevada) – 540 HSP and 145mph
  • ’08 Bentley (Crewe, England) – 552 HSP and 185 mph
  • ’72 Chevelle (Kansas City, Kansas) – 600 HSP and 140 mph
  • ’65 Shelby (Las Vegas)– 500 HSP and 175 mph
  • ’99 Ferrari (Italy)– 485 HSP and 185 mph
  • ’19 Corvette (Bowling Green, Kentucky) – 460 HSP and 185 mph
  • ’16 Camaro (Lansing, Michigan) – 455 HSP and 185 mp
  • ’01 Aston Martin (Warwickshire) – 420 HSP and 175 mph

 

Maybe we’d all better slow down..except at Summit Point  Zadie B and Aurora (’15 Maserati with 444 HSP and 185 mph.)                                              Nov. 2020

 

 

A RIOT OF GOBBLERS

Scheherazade Bond

 

OH NO!! Grizelda is absolutely gleeful.  HELP, TONY, RICH, ANGIE, COLE, EVERYBODY!!  There are hundreds of them – TURKEYS all over the place – roof, fence, EVERYWHERE!  Witch that Grizelda is – just told us turkeys like shiny things like windows and hubcaps and SHINY PAINT - they see their reflections and peck at them. GOBBLE GOBBLE

 

Good Heavens – does Nick know where his turkeys are?  How the blazes did they get from Horseshoe Lane in Potomac to Lofstrand Lane in Rockville?  Or are they from there…it’s the closest farm that has turkeys.  They friggin’ WILL NOT LEAVE! We’ve been flapping our arms around at them, and they just turn and scurry around and scream GOBBLE GOBBLE at us!! They like it here…can’t blame them…so do we.

 

They have excellent vision and hearing.  They like classical music.  They love to be petted and cuddled.  They’re very social – like to play with balls and apples – push them around.  Good Grief – who knows this sort of stuff?  GOBBLE GOBBLE Is that you, Muriel?

 

They’re big and so they poop a lot.  We apparently have both males and females  cuz someone said it looks different, and we have….different.

 

HELP, TONY!  HELP!  We need more people to corral them and move them away from here.  And we need transport.  A LOT OF TRANSPORT.   Just  GET THEM OUT OF HERE!

 

Oh Lordy – there’re some up on the roof!!  Must be wild ones  - they can fly straight up 50’ and roost in trees at night.  WATCH OUT – HERE ONE COMES – they can go 50 mph!   OH CRAP! Who knew!

 

Oh look – it’s Angel Gracey  at the wheel of your beautiful blue 2010 Ford F150 and OMG it’s Muriel in the back with a giant hose mounted on the roof.  YOU GO MURIEL! She’s HERDING them together and shooting water at their feet.  It’s working! They’re GOBBLE GOBBLING and running around, but they’re heading down Taft to Gude Drive.  Sorry City of Rockville, but we absolutely had to get them away from all our glorious shiny paint.

 

We are exhausted, and all is now quiet.  Think I’ll go inside and curl up in the back of something good – how ‘bout the ’72 Ford LTD convertible.  Ahhhh……to dream of cooking one of those d---- GOBBLE GOBBLE things.   HAPPY THANKSGIVING.  Okay maybe I’ll cook veggie lasagna instead.                                              Zadie B (Nov. 2020)

 

 

PANDAS: at FUGS? or the ZOO?
Scheherazade Bond

 

What could possibly be more enchanting today than watching Washington’s star performer Xiao Qi Ji (“Little Miracle”) being tossed around by his mom in a video from Thanksgiving weekend? Well…clearly nothing, but M says I have to write something…..so….

Pandas – isn’t a panda a car of some kind? Sure it is – a British police car that was painted white and black. Would FUG paint one of their Fiats white and black? Well, I’m positive they will if you ask, but they’re pretty cute as they are - with those racing stripes. Personally, I think their orange 1977 Mehari beach cabriolet would look adorable painted like a panda.

Okay back to cars – don’t they have 20,000, or maybe 30,000 according to Google, parts that Johnny Cash snuck out of the factory one part at a time to make a 1967- 68-69-70 automobile. Where am I going with this? TA DA – to Flemings’ Ultimate
Garage where they will save you untold misery by fixing up the car of your dreams so you don’t have to spend 10,000 hours doing it yourself.

So we were watching the Nov. 19, 2015, edition of Goss’ Garage – the one where Tony tells us not to date a basket case; but what they’re really discussing is someone who decides to buy a ’69 Camaro for $8-10,000 and discovers it’s a basket case, and
that restoring it is like having a second job because it takes so much time to find replacements for a bunch of those tens of thousands of parts. Then Tony suggests we buy a shop manual to see what’s involved in putting it all together. Ugh. He does think that if the car is of sentimental value because you and your dad rode around in it, and wouldn’t it be really cool to do that again: okay then do it.

You can’t tell a book by its cover. You can have everything. What is he talking about? Restomods –great old style body with all new innards. But then we looked up Pro Touring and now we have to talk with Tony about all this. I know you all are just holding your breaths until we tell you what we’ve learned. Or maybe even better than all this – why not drive away from FUG right now in
their 1968 Camaro SS 396. Or take a look at that picture below – OH MY GOODNESS - it’s that black with cool red striping ’67 Camaro Pro Touring that we told Rich and Angie had to be one of their Halloween contest cars because it just oozes Dracula.
Mmmmm – have mercy on us Count D! Or two pictures above it that amazing looking green ’69 Dodge Super Bee A 12 something that has a hood that opens straight up on 4 legs! We kid you not.

Goodness – so many to choose from. And Christmas is coming. And it’s been such a
tough year. And you absolutely deserve a car that makes you very happy.
For now, Angel Gracey and I are going back to the National Zoo. Zadie B (Dec 2020) 

 

RESTOMOD VS PRO TOURING
Scheherazade Bond

 

DISCLAIMER: remember when we told you we don’t know what we’re talking
about? Still holds – we just like to learn new stuff – like “restomods”- maybe you
already know all this….or maybe this will be new to you too.

WE INTERUPT THIS BROADCAST! OMG! Tony has a 2018 Ford F350 Black Ops
Edition!! They are considered a testament to the bravery of the men and women of
the US Armed Forces, and a donation was made to the Wounded Warrior Project
when one was sold. All of us want you readers to know that FUG will also send $200
to Wounded Warriors when you buy this truck. YEA! We visited FUG this week and
have to tell you this truck is enormously awesome and awesomely enormous.
We asked Tony about restomods (restored moderns) and pro-touring. He uses the
terms interchangeably. Somewhere we read that people like to debate these terms
at car shows and….well….for sure, we like the idea of interchangeable.

Google says pro-touring is a style of classic muscle car that has been modified in
several areas to perform better than it did from the factory. Done well, they will
meet or exceed current OEM (original equipment manufacturer) performance cars
with better suspension, steering, brakes, tires, and engine modifications. We found
comments about restomods that mostly talked about better brake packages.
So on to more fun stuff: we learned (from Tony, of course) that the term “pro-
touring” comes from the Hot Rod Power Tour, reportedly the largest hot rod road
trip in the world. FUN! Classic cars and hot rods travel from city to city over 1,300
miles, while the participants enjoy the people and stops along the way.
The first Tour had a kick-off party on May 13, 1995, at Petersen Automotive
Museum in Los Angeles. The August 23-28, 2020, Tour that was to start in Norwalk,
Ohio, was cancelled. It included seven stops in Chicago, Joliet, and elsewhere in
Illinois and Iowa. We haven’t read when or where it might happen in 2021.

So Muriel, Angel Gracey, and even Grizelda recommend that a much easier way to
see roomfuls, or rooms full, of gorgeous classic and pro-touring-restomods and
perhaps a marvelous Mazerati or Bentley is to come visit Tony, Rich, Trey, Scott, and
Henry at The FUG. They look glorious (the cars…well, the five of them look good
too) and a bunch of them have enormous red or green or white bows on the hoods.
We do love Christmas festivity. And if you can, come before Monday with a toy to
add to their Toys for Tots collection.
We had such a good time visiting Flemings. We want to go back soon and really do
hope to see you all. Cheers, Zadie B (Dec.2020)

 

 

THERE’S ONE WEEK 'TIL CHRISTMAS
Scheherazade Bond

 

There’s one week ‘til Christmas.
The latest Lotto is mine.
It’s time to go shopping-
How ‘bout fast cars and fine wine?


For cars – let’s try Tony,
Rich, Trey, Henry, or Scott.
I’m looking for cars
That are awesomely hot!


OMG – look at that one:
A Bentley no less.
And there’s a red Jag!
Oh Flemings…God Bless.


Some prices are flashing.
Hallelujah – clearance pricing!
The men are so dashing
This is ALL SO EXCITING!


CRASH ! THUD! THUDDING Galore
Crap – I rolled off my bed onto the floor.
Have I just been dreaming?
The lotto’s not mine?


Ever so quickly
I go to Flemings online.
Thank Heaven, they’re there.
All those scrumptious, juicy cars –
Classic or exotic – I want one with flair.


Oh FUG folks: please help me
Which car shall I choose?
Camaro? Range Rover?
There’s no way to lose!


I’ll leave with a goody
Cuz they mean to please.
All their customers – happy!
I don’t care - just give me some keys.


Here’s to the best shopping ever…at our FUG! Zadie B (Dec. 2020)

YEAR END HIJINX
Scheherazade Bond

A ’63 Corvette….. ’73 Dodge Dart….. ’71 Dodge Challenger…..green VW station wagon
….. Dodge K Car….. AND a Jaguar XKE. What can they possibly have in common? I
may be the only other person in the entire world who knows. (…or maybe not.)


Well anyway – The Boss here has revealed these gems to be first car driven or
owned or sold or desires: I’ll let you all figure out which car is which – last one
should be easy. But in the meantime, he gets to pick which of all the gorgeous cars
in the showroom he’s going to drive home tonight. Is he living the life? Hope
so…..because that means we too get to go look around the showroom and decide
which car we might drive home tonight.

As a thank you for all those magnificent shiny cars, Muriel, AG, Griz and I decided to
look around for a – well a you-know-what for The Boss. Which one to choose, since
cost isn’t an issue – with our skills, we’ll simply “disappear it” for awhile and create
a mirage in its place. A ’70 powder blue in NY or “67 gold in L.A. or a ’66 blue in
Miami or a ’74 white in Bellevue or – oh good one in nearby Philadelphia we can
sweep down, appropriate for awhile, and put down right out front of FUG - a ’66
beige with red interior. Oh Crap – we don’t know which one to get him.

Let’s ask M to do one of her special Spock-ey Vulcan Mind Melds…..still
melding……mask seems to be interfering with the melding…..oh my
goodness….picking up all sorts of really hysterically funny things …..GAD! we
CANNOT print that!! Really? You would really do that in a car??

AHEM!! Back to the business of a dream car for El Jefe. I wonder what color? First
time we saw him he was driving a gorgeous white Mas…so…. white? Or do you think
black is more his car color? We think he’d look smashing in that baby blue one, but
is it really “him”.

By the way - what’s with all the Dodges?? We can 100% believe a connection with a
’63 Corvette, and we’ll spill: that was the first car he sold….well, sold for The
Flemings – doesn’t count the tons and tons of Chryslers he sold in the early 1980’s.
Did you know he was the top Chrysler salesman in the country two years running?
Wow.
Well enough - it’s almost the New Year….

Should older cars be forgot
No never! Never! No!
Let Fleming’s fix one up for you
And let the good times roll! -Zadie B (Dec. 2020)

 

FORD vs FERRARI
Scheherazade Bond

REALLY? FUG is doing a Ford vs. Ferrari? We-e-ell….. How ‘bout a 2020 Ford
Mustang GT Premium in Twister Orange versus a 1927 Ford Tudor Street Rod in
mirror finish Ferrari Red? YES….. this is it: FUG’s newest versus their oldest as
presented by Angel Gracey in Twister Orange and Muriel The Majestic in Ferrari
Red.
Muriel gets the first jab in with a Ford T1-VCT 5.0L Coyote V8 @ 460 HP. AG
counters with an uppercut - Corvette high-performance 350 cid V8. Sound good?
Actually AG and Muriel don’t know, so please ask Tony, Rich, Trey, or Scott for all
the details.
Muriel does a one-two with her eye-catching-popping 1927 style. AG bellows “I
have the baddest muscle car in all of the DMV!!” And all those nifty hoods mounted
on the showroom wall reverberate. Muriel counters with a sip of Dom Perignon,
raising her left eyebrow beguilingly. And all those customers shiver in excitement.
Have Mercy – what could possibly happen next?

“Emory leather” PUNCH “Memory” PUNCH “Power bucket seats” PUNCH PUNCH
PUNCH yells AG as she continues hooking and jabbing. Muriel counters, “So AG –
exactly what does the seat remember? Because you see, there are many things that
neither you nor I wish to have our car seat remember. Hmmmmm?”
Muriel sinuates around her street rod…..”how can you possibly resist all those
marvelous pipes and shiny-shocky-coils and those wonderful big round headlights?

Tony, Dearest, will you take us for a spin? And it would be such if you fill up the
back seat with baby goats?”

Meantime – at last count there were 54 other cars between the Mustang and the
Street Rod: one of them is an absolutely brilliant wild cherry kandy painted “66
Chevelle that’s also “pro-touring”. It’s such fun to actually know what “pro-touring”
means – we wrote about it last month.

Happy One Week Into The New Year! Looking forward to seeing you all at Fleming’s
Ultimate Garage….safely….soon….with or without cigars.
Wild Cheers, Zadie B (Jan 2021)

 

jebDU’ wij ra’wI’ *
Scheherazade Bond

chuT DIghajnIS’ a’ je’ **……………Heghlu’metl QaQ jajvam ***


What the…..!! Yes, well - I must apologize to you, Tony, for not warning you earlier
that when we’ve been doing our 1:30-3:30am recons, Angel Gracey and I have been
hearing strange sounds….voices?….from behind the blue and white striped hood on
the wall of your showroom, down under the floor to the front left corner of the
showroom, under the driveway and to the curb running away to the west along
Lofstrand. And would you believe when we finally brought her in to consult, it was
Muriel who easily figured out what we were hearing: “Why you youngsters! Don’t
you recognize Klingon?”


Ummm – frankly no, we absolutely do not recognize Klingon!! Of course we then
learned that back in the day Muriel had been quite friendly with Worf – you know,
the Klingon who was in Star Fleet – and she may have had an “acquaintance” with
Koloth, the Warrior.


Good grief how WEIRD is this going to get, and WHY FUG?


We don’t know, but….have any of you seen men visiting your showrooms who wore
knitted hats pulled low over their foreheads (Klingons have a perpendicular ridge
down their foreheads) and covering their ears and who spoke in sharp, harsh
voices? Please let us know if you do.


We suspect there may be tunneling under your property and connecting it to other
property you have nearby. We are currently looking for an app that we can use to
download U.S. Geological Survey report 10.3133/ofr741036; it’ll hopefully tell us
what the bedrock situation is in your area. We assume the Klingons do not want
FUG to sink. Of course, we don’t want you to worry… I mean, why would they….you
haven’t irritated a Klingon lately, have you?


Are Klingons planning an invasion of Earth and their starting point is Rockville?
Muriel says it’s entirely possibly that they simply want all your cars – who doesn’t;
they don’t deal with any earthly currency; they absolutely do take what they want,
hence “chuT DIghajnIS’ a’ je’” and if you don’t it’s “Heglumetl QaQ jajvam”. We do
know Klingons do not think like we do, nor do they do things like we do: just take
the cars out the front door and forget about a tunnel!


Will we ever know why the voices are behind the hood high on the wall – a secret
spy hole? Please be careful - Muriel suggests not confronting them. Zadie B (Jan ’21)


* Klingon: Take me to your leader.
** Klingon: Give me that car.
*** Klingon: Today is a good day to die.

 

UPDATE: KLINGON OR B2V
Scheherazade Bond

Hi FUG Friends – we think we know what was going on last week when Angel
Gracey and I heard what Muriel identified as Klingon – remember jebDU’ wij ra’wl’?

Well, we’re pretty sure FUG’s amazing orange 2020 Ford Mustang was testing a new
prototype safety software that allows it to communicate with nearby bicycles. At
this point we don’t know precisely why the Klingons were involved, but we’re sure
we’ll unravel that mystery soon.


In the meantime: the B2V (bicycle-to-vehicle) technology uses Bluetooth 5 to send a
signal to nearby vehicles. Information about this is good, what with more and more
cities designating bike lanes, giving bike riders more space to commute. However,
this shift from cars to smaller rides is increasing scooter and bike-related accidents,
so lots of folks are paying more attention to safety.


Leading this research now are Ford and Trek Bicycle, one of the largest bicycle
brands. Also in this consortium of bike and scooter manufacturers are engineering
company Bosch, bicycle computing company Hammerhead, and cycling equipment
companies Specialized, SRAM, and Shimano. The group hopes to attract other
leading companies because they don’t want something that only allows a Trek bike
and a Ford car to communicate. Could it be that the Klingon Empire owns Trek?
Ford????


Ford is testing this technology as part of its existing driver-assistance system,
something that could be used in addition to sensors on a car to detect and avoid
objects. In 2018 Ford bought Spin, an e-scooter company (e for electric); e-scooter
riders represent a growing part of Ford’s business.


OH CAN YOU IMAGINE!! Will e-scooters ever be a part of FUG’s business? Okay
Tony – we really are looking forward to seeing the following line-up in your
showroom: 2016 Camaro 2SS - next to a dazzling scooter - next to an ’84 Corvette -
next to a scooter with flames – next to a ’78 Trans Am – next to a racing striped
scooter – next to a ’72 Chevelle. And in the other showroom: a 2014 Maserati GT –
next to a wild cherry kandy colored scooter – next to a 2008 Bentley and a heart-
stopping dark red ’75 Corvette (AG is in ecstasy over this one!) Can we actually
picture this?


Our collective mind is totally boggled, and we fear we are speechless
As if that will ever happen, I remain………. Zadie B (Jan. 2021)

 

 

CROSSING THE RUBICON – IN THE FUG RUBICON
Scheherazade Bond

On January 10, 49 B.C. Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon River (northeastern Italy),
which precipitated the Roman Civil War. This led to Caesar becoming dictator and
so began Imperial Rome. And now “Crossing the Rubicon” means passing a point of
no return. Well okay then. So……presumably a few centuries later this inspired
someone to name a 22-mile stretch of off-roading delight in the Sierra Nevada just
outside Lake Tahoe “The Rubicon Trail”.
Many consider this trail to be the most difficult off - roading route in the country,
taking experienced roaders five hours to complete, and in a 2020 Youtube video we
watched, it was suggested that you plan to do it in three days – doing it in 5 hours
will probably jiggle your insides out. And we care because….guess what FUG has?
Of course, a 2015 Jeep Rubicon. I’m captivated by the sound of its “Bushwacker
fender flares” – Grizelda has challenged us to say that three times as fast as we can.
You need to go read all the goodies this Jeep has: if I’m off-roading for 3 days, I want
those heated seats for my aching backside and an amazing sound system - because
who doesn’t want an amazing sound system.
FUG has another vehicle sort of like the Rubicon (i.e. for fun)….but not really: the
1977 Citroen Mehari Beach. I’ll bet you all know that a mehari is a one-humped
dromedary (camel) that’s bred for racing and transport. And Mehari Beach may be
located on the island of Djerba off the southeastern coat of Tunisia, and that maybe
this has absolutely nothing to do with FUG’s inventory. Except someone told us that
Tony should take off in it and go to the beach, but we actually don’t know about that
either because we thought he really liked motorcycles.
NOTE: we think we have no idea what we’re writing about, and possibly have been
confined with no human contact….just wine….for too long.
Smiles ----- Zadie B (Jan 2021

 

THE ITALIAN JOB: THE FUG VERSION
Scheherazade Bond

We can’t decide whether to chat with you all about a fun event we’ve been thinking
about that would honor the memory of stunt driver Remy Julienne (he of “The
Italian Job’s” three Mini Cooper car chase and many 007 movies) or to go on about
the amazingness of the fastest electric cars in honor of Ford’s decision to build all
electric by 2035. Eenie meenie….we’ll do fast electrics next week: stay tuned for
owls, rimacs, battistas, and evijas.
We’re really up for planning an event: let’s race the three FUG mini coopers around
DC – should we let your five little Fiats come along? Instead of using that race track
on top of the building in Turin (from the Italian Job), do you think we could get the
state police to stop traffic on the beltway….probably not, but I really like the thought
of it. Or maybe from FUG, through Rockville to 270 and south to DC. How do we
include some closed streets where we can race between outdoor dining areas –
anything in Adams Morgan? Connecticut Avenue?
And then how about using the very large pipe system that maybe goes from near
Union Station down to the Fort McNair area where it dumps out into the river – so
we’ll position a barge there to catch the minis. We think we heard this one is big
enough for a truck to go through and maybe it was built around Tiber Creek in the
1800’s. Many of the DC sewers were built then, are of brick and some of the walls
are 4’ thick. (Our source for this is former DC Public Works employee LV, who
unfortunately can’t remember exactly which pipes went where: all the more fun!)
Another of the big pipes comes out near the Navy Yard. Some of the pipes are no
longer in use, thus okay for our race, and some are still used - most definitely not
useful. Let’s find out if we can do barrel rolls – stories vary as to whether or not
Remy ever made one, but he and his mini did fall upside-down a few times.
Which steps should we drive the minis down? The ones in Georgetown where
spooky movies like The Exorcist are filmed? The east side of the Capital? And
where else? Along the Potomac in Georgetown and then up the canal tow path?
And a magnificent finale jumping from one building to another – we’ll start looking
for two good buildings. Oh what fun planning this will be!
Oh Tony – you will be one of the Mini drivers, won’t you? Rich and M in the other
two and in the Fiats – Trey, Scott, Kevin, Jim, and Cole? Or how about Monica, Myla,
and M in the Minis and five men in the Fiats?
Wild cheers, Zadie B (Feb. 2021)

 

DRIVERS START YOUR ENGINES…..SILENCE
Scheherazade Bond

 

So Ford announces they’ll be all electric by 2035, and we decided to see what
electrics look amazing right now. Price – $2,500,000+…. get us one used, Tony.
Well now – how about a car that goes from 0-60 mph in 1.69 seconds. Gets up to
186 mph in 10.9 seconds and can go 249 mph? Tie your hair down!! It’s a Japanese
Aspark Owl, and has four electric motors and a 64 kWh battery. FYI – we’ve never
been accosted by an owl, but may have heard that they swoop down silently – no
doubt why Aspark calls theirs the “Owl.”
Or let’s hear it for those Croatians! They have a Rimac C-Two that gets up to 60mph
in 1.85 seconds and can go 258 mph. It has a 120 kWh battery. Rimac works with
Aston Martin, Koenigsegg, and Automobil Pininfarina. Porsche is a shareholder.
Mate Rimac founded the company in 2009, making electric sports cars, drivetrains,
and batteries. (We know you all know this, but we admit we didn’t: we’re pretty
sure a “powertrain” is all those “drivetrain” drivey parts plus the engine.)
Of course, Tesla has a couple really fast ones. Automobil Pininfarina’s Battista goes
217 mph, and Lotus has an Evija. And Peregrine Automotive in Montana has a 200
mph “Revenge” – Peregrine falcons do their “stoop” – free fall dive – at 200 mph –
but I’m off the subject – they aren’t electrics. But they’re fast. Fastest level flight bird
is the eider duck who has small wings compared to its body but very strong muscles
– they can go 47 mph: so we’re probably not going to see a car named the Eider
Duck. Oh sorry Tony – got carried away here.
But wait a second – the Daytona 500 is Sunday. Can you imagine this: “Drivers Start
Your Engines”……silence……oh a bird tweeting…….a cheer from the crowd. And the
starting line-up of electric super cars is off! Hmmmmm – doesn’t seem quite right,
does it. So we got to thinking that no doubt someone will come up with a
soundtrack that’ll roar when the ignition starts.
Oh my goodness – Aurora (as you all know, she’s my gorgeous 2015 Maserati GT
Sport) and I can’t imagine her engine starting up without that beautiful growling
rumble that excites our entire neighborhood. I could record her now and have it
ready to play when Aurora 3 or 4 comes out as an electric. GOOD GRIEF….Tony
HELP…..and please say it isn’t so.
This is all so unsettling. I think we’ll just forget about it for now and get ready for
“Drivers Start Your Engines”….and you all remember The Michael Jordan (#23) will
be in the pits with “23XI Racing” – pronounced “Twenty-three-eleven.” The driver is
Bubba Wallace and the other owner is Denny Hamlin, who’ll be driving the #11
Toyota for Joe Gibbs Racing. Ohboyohboyohboy!!
Roaring and rumbling and growling, I remain……… Zadie B. (Feb. 2021)

 

SERVICE
Scheherazade Bond

 

How many cars have Tony and friends scooted under and inspected so we can be
sure we’re getting the best car ever? According to FUG service director Kevin –
every one older than 1980: the 2,173 on this website + ? The ones since 1980 have a
Maryland State inspection and items not passing that inspection are fixed by FUG.
And speaking of 1980: sometime around then, or maybe a few years earlier – who
knows...doesn’t matter – Tony had an internship somewhere as a car mechanic and
admitted to M that he was not a good mechanic. He saw the sales people – nice and
clean – and that looked a lot better. But what we thought was a hoot was when he
mentioned working on Jaguars and using a “nibbler” to cut out the top so a sun roof
could be installed – can you imagine if you suddenly hiccupped? Oh Tony – we’re all
so glad you switched to sales.
Back to the cars from before 1980. FUG fixes them up, particularly working on
anything that has to do with safety. They work with several different places for all
that glorious painting and detailing. There’s a tech who details the engine
compartment and under carriage of the classic cars in- house. And they do so many
cool things we customers want: switch from automatic to manual; change wheels
and tires; add AC; change seats; upgrade the audio system, and probably just about
anything we can think of.
Then all the test drives – service tech, Kevin, sales person, and did I hear Tony say
Angel Gracey gets to test drive all of them? Not sure, but we know she would do it at
night when you all don’t know it - do you check mileage? Oh Folks – Kevin has
three technicians and needs more: know anyone interested?
And the weirdest thing about Kevin – well that doesn’t sound quite right because he
seems solid. But he told us he fixes anything around the house – cars, ATVs, tractors
unless they’re on the roof! Tony – you have a service director who keeps tractors on
the roof? Have you looked on the FUG roof lately? And I thought it was Tony magic
that got those muscle cars up on the roof the Christmas Eve! We have been led so
astray.
Well I certainly am astray now. Back to service: Kevin says they really like to service
the cars they sell and visit with customers. (Aurora and M have been back twice for
little things and are yearning to go again – not because anything’s wrong – just
because we like to see those wonderful cars and talk with all the charming
men….and we always say hi to the lovely women - such great smiles. And next time
we hope to meet the techs.) FUG also services cars they haven’t sold, and usually
have a few waiting for appointments. And have you seen how amazingly clean the
service area is? Sookhar keeps everything spotless. UNBELIEVABLE!
Stay safe – off the ice unless you’d like FUG to repair the dents Zadie B (Feb 2021)

 

WHAT’S IN A NAME
Scheherazade Bond

How do things get named? Recently the Washington Post had an article about how
Jeep came up with “Cherokee”. And now they ‘re contemplating a name change: the
Cherokee Nation has asked that their name be removed from that vehicle. So – what
can we come up with? “The Jeep White Lightning” (AG and Griz like it, but Muriel
reminded them of its moonshine connotation). Okay – “The Jeep
Intimidator”...mmm, a bit too….strong? The Jeep “Revolt” - that’s Grizelda’s weird
contribution.
Well enough of that – we’ve been oogling FUG’s sweet little Minis, and via another
of our infamous Vulcan mind-melds, have influenced FUG’s El Jefe to come up with
new paint names for Minis based on one of our favorite things: WINE. He said we
should have 3-4 painted in our favorite hobby colors. Not sure what he means – (a)
we should have 3 or 4 minis each painted our favorite color to pair with a certain
day of the week when that’s what we’re drinking? or (b) I should have Aurora
repainted to match my favorite wine – Zinfandel? Chenin Blanc? Or last night’s
Gigondas? Tony, this is getting very, very confusing. Because I also really like Cote
du Rhone and Pinot Noir. So-paint her as the wine shades go from Zin-Cab-Gig-
Cote-Pinot-CB? ….can you do that?
Who cares?-----TA DA…..PRESENTING….Tony’s favorite car colors : Cabernet
Metallic; Pinot Noir clear coat; Chardonnay tricoat. But before all that, we needed to
learn about car paint. There are multiple layers of paint that provide a combination
of agents that allow the paint to stick to the metal frame and that also give the car
that glorious shine, and FUG paint jobs are truly BRILLIANT – you remember how
El Jefe does that “read every letter” thing in his You.Tube videos. Of course, you all
saw his latest one with the Minis? (So cute – but would Aurora understand if I had a
Mini?) Angie got sentimental artsy: final camera shot of Flemings Ultimate Garage
sign and then clouds in the sky. Ahhh
Continuing today’s lesson: a typical factory coating system has four layers: the e-
coat; primer or filler; base coat and clear coat – these last two are called the top coat.
The e-coat is a patented process that takes paint particles suspended in water and
uses electricity to adhere them onto a metal part, resulting in a corrosion-resistant
metal with a smooth finish. Also, because I’m not confused enough, “tricoat” is an
extra layer of basecoat that is a different color – usually metallic or pearlescent –
that adds an effect: pearl or candy.
RECOMMENDATION: do not re-read this but go immediately to FUG and ask
anyone. They all know everything about cars and certainly about paint jobs.
Now – back to renaming Jeeps. Happy Days are Here Again. Zadie B (Feb 202l)

 

                            HELP!!!   SOMETHING…SOMEONE….IS OUT THERE!!
 Scheherazade Bond

 

WHY did I agree to be on guard here at Fleming’s…..allnight……BY MYSELF!

 

There was just a flash of something outside the window….OH NO….a FACE… EEEEKKK!!!!!! Ooookaaaaayy…it’s gone…..but everything just went dark….stay calm….I’m scrunched under Rich’s desk. I’m smart – just took off my glow-in-the-dark shoes….they’reunder the desk.  If I forget them….Rich, if you find a pair of glowing shoes under your desk in the morning, they’re mine. Hey-there’s more boots under here – rattlesnake? alligator?  Whose desk am I under?  Trey’s??

 

OH NO – scratching at the side door.  WHY WON’T A POLICE CAR COME BY……RIGHT NOW!!! What do I do?......find keys to something REALLY BIG and REALLY SCARY ( 2015 Jeep Rubicon?  73 Chevy Blazer 4x4? I think maybe the 1990 LandRover Defender Diesel 4x4) andpoint it towards that door…..and if the door opens  I turn on the brights and blast the horn and STOMP ON THE GAS and run them over?  That would be justifiable…wouldn’t it be justifiable?  Well, except I will have driven through one of the walls (is the wall between the showroom and the back hall load-bearing?  Please don’t let it be load-bearing).  Oh –well – I might have messed up all the fenders, the front grill, and the paint job.   Okay calm down -  no one can get in here, so  I’m not going to get keys.  

 

Spray paint- YES.  How far does spray paint spray?  WHERE DO YOU KEEP THE EMERGENCY SPRAY PAINT?? Bug spray? Bear spray?  Or…oh look at that Spyder Spyder.  I bet it’s a lot more maneuverable than the trucks and skinnier – can it get down the hallway without taking out walls?  

 

Okay I’m crawling out from under the desk, slitheringalong past other desks…this really hurts my knees….I’m too old for crawling….maybe if I try bottom waddling…..well this is not at all professional….back to crawling.  PLEASE LET IT BE DAYLIGHT SOON – crap - sunrise isn’t until about 6:30.  OH NO – A FACE AGAIN.  Wait – there’re two……I know them!!!  NO NONO!!! Trevor Philips and Simeon Yetarian!  I thought they’d gone back to the West Coast.  WHY ARE GRAND THEFT AUTO PEOPLE STILL HERE!!.  NO NO – Yetarian  thinks he can  steal the FUG inventory.  

 

I WILL NOT LET THAT HAPPEN.  YOU CAN DEPEND ON ME, FUG.  NO ONE GETS IN HERE WHEN I’M ON DUTY!!!  Okay – spray paint….tire iron (has to be one here)…scary mask….Tony  gave me a day-of-the-dead mask....got it.  Clever of him to know I’d need it some night.  What else?  Any knives in the kitchen?  For throwing…I don’t plan to get close enough to stick it in someone.  (sorry FUG – I don’t think I could do that…where’s Grizelda when I need her.)

 

  1. OH THANK THE GODS – FLASHING LIGHTS  – A POLICE CAR JUST PULLED IN.  Well of course it did – when I took off my shoes I called 911.     –Zadie B (March 2021)